


Take Me Home

by httpstiles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Celebrities, Dark, Depressing, Depression, Drama, F/M, Gen, Hurt Harry, Hurt/Comfort, Immorality, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, this is deep shit, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-27 04:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpstiles/pseuds/httpstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The power of alcohol is controlling. You're not thinking straight. You do what your body tells you to. It will do what it wants.</p><p>He was drunk<br/>He wasn't thinking<br/>He made a mistake<br/>And now his friend is left broken </p><p> </p><p>Harry is slowly crumbling to the ground. His world is falling apart. Like he's glass dropped on a floor, or something thrown in the dumpster. Or maybe he's like the lost pool weight at the bottom of the pool, where no one can see him. He's been on constant edge and all he want's is to find home, the place he is himself again- wherever it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hotel Room Beds

**Author's Note:**

> Work was originally published on 1DFF. Due to the graphic / fucked up shit in this story, heed all warnings and please read my author’s note (last chapter).

"I want to be drunk when I wake up," Louis sang, took his shot, then continued, "on the right side of the wrong bed."

Ed Sheeran, I thought. He would sing his song Drunk, although it had a total different meaning than the given moment.

"Lou," I began. "Liam has already picked up Zayn and Niall and you're not going to remember anything tomorrow," I finished. He mumbled something in response then nodded his head.

"Mmkay. Let's go back to the wagon."

"Hotel," I corrected him.

"That is what I not said?" he asked. I grumbled and grabbed hold of his arm to help him to the car. "You look hot Harry."

"And your morning looks wretched." 

 

"No, he's not going to remember a thing." I said to Liam, the only other one awake as we sat in the hotel room living area. "I don't know why he drank so much today. It was weird," I realised.

"He's going to have a killer headache tomorrow. And we're supposed to go to the studio in the afternoon." Liam replied.

"Yep." I yawned.

"I think it's about time we crashed, too." Liam said standing from the couch. "So Zayn has the single so do you want to crash with Niall or Louis?" he asked. 

"I've got Louis. You need more sleep than me and he moves a lot." He nodded and we made our separate ways. I walked toward the bed Louis lay in and crawled under the covers. I settled in when I felt Louis roll over. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head, but I brushed it off.

I couldn't sleep for a while, but it was coming now. My eyes drooped and despite my awkward position(my arm under my sideways body) I lay there. I was much too tired to move. I was only half paying attention as I could feel Louis shifting positions. This time I could feel him closer.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and turned me to face him.

"What are you doing?" I asked sleepily.

"Nothing," he chimed in a husky voice. I rolled back over and attempted to sleep, but his hand crept up my shirt and he felt my stomach. I stiffened. We'd messed around jokingly in interviews before, but he'd never touched me like this outside of one. Not on my bare skin, at least.

"Lou," I breathed cautiously. "Stop, you're drunk."

"Let's have a little fun." he whispered in my ear. No, this can't be happening. He wrapped his whole arm around me now and pulled me close. I tried to squirm out, but I was too tired, too weak-he had muscle. I opened my mouth to shout for Liam, but he covered my mouth with his hand.

"Quiet, Haz. We dont want to wake the boys up." I was sweating. What was he doing? I panicked and wriggled more, but it was no use. I was scared now. He, without struggle, tossed me over onto the other side of the bed on my back. He quickly hovered above me and placed his hand over my mouth again. I struggled to push him off me with both of my hands, but all his weight was on me and he was pretty heavy. I looked in his eyes through my tears and I could see his blue eyes shining. He frowned. 

"You're crying." he said. He sounded far away though. His weight couldn't let me properly breathe. It was harder with his hand over my mouth. I breathed hard through my nose and stared at him. Please stop where we are now, I begged in my mind.

I had never thought I'd be in a situation like this- especially not one of my drunk guy friends. I was scared shitless and I couldn't move. I tried to push him off again, but it was no use.

"It's fine, it'll be my first with a guy too." he smiled innocently. He pushed my shirt up and trailed down to my underwear. Why did I not wear more to bed?! I was sweating buckets and screaming but they were muffled my Louis' hand. His hand snapped the hem of them before dragging them down slowly and doing the same with his. 

~*~ 

Louis flopped onto the other side of the bed and I curled into a ball. I didn't speak. I just lay there. What does one feel after being raped by someone of the same sex? Raped. I shuddered at the thought.

"I need more beer." Louis said slurred. He stood and pulled his clothes on. "Heading to the-the uhm....somewhere." he said. He walked out and I could hear the door slam as he exited the hotel. It was close to 2 AM now. I heard some shuffling from the other room and then some foot steps. 

I could hear Liam call my name, but I couldn't respond. 

 

Liam's P.O.V

I heard a door slam and jumped.

"What was that?" Niall, half awake, asked.

"Sleep. I'll see." he nodded and I stood up and walked out into the small hall. I walked over to the living area and saw from there that Harry and Louis' door was slightly open. "Harry?" I called. I didn't get a response. I walked over to the door and pushed it open. Louis wasn't there, but Harry lay naked on one side and shaking. I ran over and covered him with the blanket and leaned over in front of his face.

"Harry?" I asked. "Harry, what's wrong?" his eyes gazed at me and he began to sob. I hugged him through the covers and waited until he calmed.

"Louis-he-he..." He stuttered. "I just-I'm laying here and then-he-he starts to undress me-" he choked a little "and he has me pinned-and I can't -I can't move. I tried!" he cried out. What was he saying? "I tried to stop him, but he's-he has muscles and I'm all scrawny and- Louis raped me." he said quickly. 

 

Harry's P.O.V

I started to shake again and cry, I couldn't hold it back. I was scarred. This wouldn't go away, would it? Eventually Zayn and Niall came to see why I was crying, but Liam said nothing.

"Get me one of his sweatshirts." Liam said to Zayn. Zayn walked over to a small dresser and pulled out my purple Jack Wills one. I hadn't worn it in awhile, yet I brought it with me everywhere. I was glad now. I sat up, still shaking and slipped it on. Carefully I reached to the ground and picked up my boxers. The guys turned around as I slid them on and then I shrunk back into bed. I was still shaken up as they watched me. Liam leaned over and hugged me.

"It's fine." Liam whispered. "This won't happen again. I need to go talk with the guys." I shook my head quickly.

"What if he comes back?" I asked, tears brimming my eyes.

"Well, he's going to have to, but if he does- I'll keep him out of the room." Liam reassured. I nodded and still laid there. The boys exited the room and there was instantly some talking. 

 

Zayn's P.O.V

Who was he talking about? Why was he crying? Where was Louis? It was pretty hard to make him cry. I had all these questions and I remained silent until we exited the room.

"Who is he talking about?" Niall and I asked at the same time. Liam became pale and he put his finger up for us to wait a second. He quickly dashed away to the bathroom and I could hear him hurl. Niall ran over as I trailed right behind. When I walked over he was flushing the toilet and he turned to us.

"Harry-he was-" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "raped," he whispered. I could feel my heart beat loud in my ears. Niall's eyes bugged out of his head.

"What?!" I finally shouted. "Don't we have security here?" I asked.

"It was Louis.." I watched as Niall grasped onto the sink for support. 

 

Liam P.O.V.

Zayn's tan skin became pale. His jaw dropped. I didn't know what to feel. Harry had been raped by Louis. Our band mate. Harry was scarred now and Louis wouldn't even remember the morning.


	2. The Next Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: DON'T READ ITALICS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HARRY'S EXPERIENCE

**Harry's P.O.V**

I stared at the wall in front of my face. Louis had raped me. Rape... The forcing of sex upon another against will.

What had gotten into Louis? My supposedly best friend. Friends are people that aren't supposed to hurt you. Yet here I lay. My body aches all over. My neck felt strained.

_Louis' hand still around my mouth, as he inserted himself into me, pulled my head back from behind. My neck ached as he continued._

My legs felt as if they weren't there.

_As Louis thrust harder it hurt more. Tears flowed down my cheeks onto Louis' hand, but he continued anyway._

I felt empty. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I sure would have thought that if it weren't so quiet that I could hear it beating. I felt some tears roll down my cheek.

As much as I wanted to lay here and be left alone, I longed for one of the guys to come in and reassure me that everything would be fine or tell me this was a dream I would wake up from. But then the real pain came back. The physical and mental. This was reality.

I kept staring at the wall, wrapped tightly in the blankets. Soon Niall came in and lay down next to me. I turned and faced him. He carefully wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Very gentle like, unlike Louis.

_He hadn't even worn a condom or used anything as a lube. I screamed into Louis hand, but only muffles were heard. I cried more as pain shot through my whole body again and again and again...._

I cuddled closer to Niall and just cried. He rubbed my back soothingly. Niall was a small boy, smaller than me, but he gave the most loving hugs and you couldn't hate them even he had just shot you and was hugging you asking for forgiveness.

"Shh.." he whispered soothingly.

"We-we," I tired to get out. It was hard to speak in between sobs, " can-can't. We can't tell him. What-what happened." I finished.

"But-" he tried to argue.

"No." I shook my head and buried my face into his neck as he hugged me.

**Liam's P.O.V**

Soon Harry's sobs in the room calmed. He must've fallen asleep. It was a good thing Niall had gone in there otherwise he wouldn't have. Zayn say next to me on the couch and I could hear Niall slightly calling me.

I walked into the room and Harry's curls hid his face. He still had unsteady breathing.

"He said he doesn't want Louis to know," he whispered. I stared at him in disbelief.

"I tried to say something, but he insisted we don't," he whispered again. I nodded an okay.

"Are you going to sleep in here?" I questioned. He nodded. I nodded and looked at Harry. He must feel horrible right now.

I walked back into the living area and Zayn was standing up and walking towards the door.

"Did someone knock?" I asked. Without looking back he nodded and looked through the peep hole. He looked at me and mouthed 'Paul and Louis.'

"Why is Louis knocking at my door, drunk, at half past 2 in the morning?" Paul asked gripping onto Louis' arm as Zayn opened it. Zayn looked back at me and I shrugged. I honestly hadn't known why he had left in the first place. He was about to shove Louis in and walk away, but Zayn spoke up.

"Do you think that Louis can stay in your hotel room?" he asked kind of slow.

"Yeah.." he dragged out. "Why?" I quickly thought of something to say.

"He started yelling at Harry and hit him. Harry's a bit shaken up and doesn't want Louis back in the room at the moment." I spoke quickly. Zayn looked at me with a questioning face. I shot him a look and glanced at Paul.

"Oh," he said. "I'll set him up on the couch." he said.

"Why can't I go back into the room?!" Louis whined. "I want to sleep."

"Louis, you're going to sleep in my room tonight..." he said to him walking away.

Zayn shut the door and turned to me. He sighed as we made our way back to the couches in the living area. We decided to go to sleep there since they were closest to Harry's room and we fell asleep fast.

**Harry's P.O.V**

I woke up the next morning still wrapped up and in Niall's arms. I peered my head up and looked at the clock behind Niall's head. 7:32. I rested my head back down and sighed. My whole body was sore. I slowly wriggled out from Niall's arms and walked to the drawers I had put my clothes in. I looked through until I found some sweats and I realized how stiff my body was, too, as I slipped them on. I made my way to the kitchen, careful not to wake Zayn and Liam who had fallen asleep on the couch.

I sat down with my cereal at the small table there and crossed my legs on the chair. My neck hurt when I moved it and I was pretty sure I had a sore throat, but I managed to eat. I heard the door open from down the hall. I ignored it, figuring that one of the boys were going to the bathroom, but then I heard some steps behind me.

"Morning, Harry." he said. I stiffened not able to turn around and actually look at him.

"Morning, Louis."


	3. The Fake (Really Bad) Explanation

**Liam's P.O.V**

     I woke up and the sound of a door shutting. I stood from the couch and stretched my arms above my head. And then I heard his voice. 

     "Morning, Louis." I heard Harry reply. I walked over to the kitchen and saw Louis sitting in front of Harry. Harry looked pale and Louis took notice. 

     "Harry, are you fine?" He asked him. Harry stared at Louis unable to speak. He really didn't remember a thing. 

     "He is running a fever and isn't going to go to the recording session today. I'm saying to take care of him." I replied. Harry looked up at me as if to say thank you. I nodded and he went back to eating his cereal. "You should go get ready, and wake up Niall. He fell asleep there with Harry and I'll get Zayn."

     "Hey why did-" he stopped in the middle of his sentence. "Liam can I talk to you?" he looked like he was about to throw up. I nodded and I followed him into the hall down to where Zayn would have slept. "What did I do? Paul said something about a fight?" he asked worriedly. "How bad did I hurt him?" he let a tear slip his eyes. "I remember screaming, but it was like- pain screaming. What did I do?" he plead. Screaming? He made Harry scream?   

     "You guys got into a fight over your drinking." I said quickly. if have to update Niall Zayn and Harry on this lie. I swallowed and continued. "You were yelling at eachother about your excessive drinking and.." I thought for a second. What would have made Harry scream of pain?

     "And what?" Louis asked. 

     "You hit him." I said smoothly. "You guys were in the living area and you hit him." Louis' eyes widened. "Let's go on a stroll and I'll tell you everything." Louis stared at me as if I were drunk. I obviously wasn't but I sure felt on a high. 

     "Don't you need shoe-" 

     "Nope." I interrupted him. 

 

     "So what _did_ I do?!" Louis half shouted as we neared the outside pool area. 

     "You guys started yelling at each other. Harry didn't approve of your excessive drinking last night and you told him he needed to get off your back and you hit him. He was a bit shaken up about it." Louis' eyes glistened. 

      "I  _hit_  Harry?" I nodded. "That's why he was so tense around me earlier?" I nodded again. 

     "He is hoping you don't remember, but we're saying he's sick. His head is kind of hurting." Louis looked at me in disbelief. "Can you try to forget? For Harry? It may help..." I added. We couldn't have him be bringing this up. He nodded.


	4. The Hardest Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this one. It was a filler when I had a lot of school work going on. So it's pretty short. And once again sorry for any funny words I typed this on my iPod

**A/N: Sorry about this one. It was a filler when I had a lot of school work going on. So it's pretty short. And once again sorry for any funny words I typed this on my iPod**

**Liam's P.O.V**

     It'd been two long weeks. Right now Harry went to counseling once a week. The story was that he had a personal trainer and it worked well because Harry had been working out more. I worried about him, though. He said he was too scrawny and that he would have been able to stop Louis if he had been stronger. The only plus side was that he ate healthier food. 

     As for Louis, he stayed cautious around Harry. He tried his best to forget about what had "happened", but he took it hard. He regrets hurting Harry and he hasn't drunk since that night. Harry still felt weird around Louis, too. He could talk a regular conversation with him, but the only way they ever came in skin contact was for hugs in interviews or photo shoots. 

     At night was Harry's hardest time, though. Every other night he'd cry himself to sleep. It was hard to see him in this state. It hurt Louis to hear his cries and not be able to go comfort him. Louis would never be able to live with himself of he had known what he had really done to Harry, though. He hates himself now, what would he do if he ever found out? 

 

In the other room in the hotel I could hear Harry's sobs. He tried to be quiet, but he couldn't help it. I heard some light foot steps trail across the hall and some low whispers in Harry's room. Maybe Niall went it there? 

      I laid more into my pillows and pulled the sheets higher up. I shut my eyes and began to doze off. 

      "Just leave!" I heard Harry shout. My eyes shot open and I reached for the edge of the covers, pulling them off. I jumped out of bed and ran into the hallway. I quickly made my way to Harry's room and found Louis standing next to Harry's bed and Harry with the covers pulled up to cover himself; like a kid who think the covers can protect him from demons and monsters. 

      "Louis what are you doing?" Zayn asked. I turned and found him I boxers and a t-shirt rubbing his eye. 

      "I can't stand to hear my friend crying and every time I try I comfort him or be there for him, he pushes me away. How can I help him if I don't know what is happening?" Louis asked in a hushed tone. I sighed. 

      "He's just not ready to tell you, whatever it is." I said. Zayn walked over to Harry and sat next to him to hug him. "He will tell you when he's ready." I reasoned. But Louis looked broken. 

     "All he has done is push me away, Liam. I want to be there for my best friend, but I can't. 

     "You know what?" Zayn shot. Louis turned back to the bed and faced him. "Harry can't tell you of he's not ready. When he is, then you'll know. But for now you need to back off. If you want to do something for Harry, stop  _pestering_  him. He needs you to give him space, so if that is the only thing you can give him, then damn it-give it to him." Louis looked surprised at Zayn's outburst. And I was too, but that needed to be said. 

     Louis retreated back to his room and Zayn let out a sigh when we heard his door click shut. 

    "I wasn't too harsh was I?" he asked. Quickly I shook my head.[  
](http://www.wattpad.com/stories/non-teen-fiction)

     "No, no. It was a good thing he heard that. Someone needed to tell him." He nodded his head and bit on his lip. 

    "Thanks," Harry said suddenly. "I'm just-I'm not there yet." 

    "Do you think you'll ever tell him?" I asked. He shrugged his boulders and looked up from under his curls. 

    "Maybe. But not soon. He already hates himself." he shook his hair and moved it so his whole face showed. His eyes were red and he looked so fragile. He looked like you could poke him and he'd shatter. I nodded and left Zayn and Harry alone. 

 


	5. A Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore all Italicized work if you do not wish to know what exactly happened to Harry. Not reading it WILL NOT leave you out of date with what's happening. It is just an add-on so that other readers, that want to, know what exactly Louis did.

_As Louis slid my boxers down, I tried to remove my hands from his grip. I couldn't though, I was tired and not as built up as him. I screamed, but my cries were muffled under Louis' large hand. Louis stealthily removed everything between us. My skin now touched his. I felt like throwing up. I could feel his erection against my lower torso. I gulped and looked at his eyes. The color was gone._

_He blinked a few times and you could tells he was hammered. With one swift motion, I was on my stomach. I was dizzy from all the movements and I didn't really understand how he did this so easily._ _Louis' hand still around my mouth, as he inserted himself into me, pulled my head back from behind. My neck ached as he continued. Pain shot through my body. He pulled out and began to kiss up my neck and back. He took a deep breath and his hot air on my neck gave me goosebumps. His hand was still on my neck when I felt some weight being lifted off me. Was he done? No._

_Louis pushed himself into me again. As Louis thrust harder it hurt more. Tears streamed down my face and onto Louis' hand, but he continued anyway. With each thrust I became more weak. I had no more energy to fight back. He was too strong. I could feel the life being sucked out of me every hell-sent second._

_As he continued, Louis told me something, but I couldn't understand. The pain had me sliding toward unconsciousness. Eyes barely open, I struggled just to swallow my own saliva. My throat ached and I felt as if it would tear inside me any second._

_Is this what people do when they're drunk like this? Rape and fuck people?_

_Louis' hand released my hands from above my head and he rested his head on my back. I would have moved my arms if I could've. His sweaty hair rested and moved a little, but he didn't move. He was still inside me. Then Louis did something I never expected, even at this given time period._

_Louis' hand reached under my body, pulling me onto my knees, my arms barely held my upper body up, and he ran his thumb across my excuse of abs and trailed down to my 'area'. His hand grasped me and I let out a shriek._

_"Isn't this nice?" he asked. His hand released from my mouth and I gasped. I tried to yell, but my throat was dry. Numerous times I tried to shout Liam's name, but Louis assumed I was trying to shout his name. "I love when you shout my name," he growled into my hear. He squeezed me and I gasped in pain. My hands gripped the sheets with the little power I had left._

_"Please." I choked out. "St-stop, Louis." My voice sounded so different. Sounded like I was dying. Well, I sure felt like it._

_Louis ignored me and thrust again. This time it hurt more than before. Louis' hand covered my mouth again as I let out a scream that made my throat cry. I didn't know how loud I really was, but from what I heard, I was pretty loud. "This feels so wrong, but so good." Louis said grunting with his face buried in my neck. Then he thrust again._

 

_He hadn't even worn a condom or used anything as a lube. I screamed into Louis hand, but only muffles were heard. I cried more as pain shot through my whole body again and again and again...._

_A few minutes later he removed himself from me and flopped onto the other side of the bed and I curled into a ball._

 

Harry gasped as he opened his eyes and shot up in bed. Zayn, who had fallen asleep with him the night before, squirmed around before opening his eyes.

"Harry, you okay?" he asked. Harry shook his head in reply.

"I had the dream again."

"Want to talk about it?" Harry shook his head again.

"Let's just get something to eat?" Harry asked. Zayn nodded this time and they got out of the bed and made their way to the kitchen.

~*~

"Why do we not have food?" Niall asked from his head in the fridge.

"Because you have to buy food at hotels and put it there yourself. We never do because we don't stay long enough to stock up." Liam replied from the couch.

"Yeah, order something from the room service menu." Zayn said grabbing hold of the laminated folder on the counter and tossing it to him.

"Let us see it after." Harry said as Niall flipped a page.

"See what? There's only things like numbers for more tow-oh never mind. Found the food," he said smiling. "Oh! chicken and Macaroni?  _Maybe,_ " he almost sang to himself.

"Niall," Zayn started, sounding annoyed. "Get breakfast."

"Why?" Niall frowned. Harry rolled his eyes in a laughing manner and went over to the couches and sat with Liam.

"You have counseling today before rehearsals for the tour." Liam said as he flipped the channel.

"Yeah. I know..." Harry replied softly. "I really don't think it's helping any, though."

"I guess we'll see of there's any difference after two more weeks."


	6. Deja Vu

**Harry's P.O.V.**

    _Honestly, I could feel things getting better between Louis and I. We could talk normally now. But it was never Louis I was scared of, it was what he did and if he would ever do it again. It was the memory that haunted me. It just sucked that Louis would come to me when I wake up screaming in the night and all I see are his glowing eyes, the ones that stared at me when he raped me. And when he tried to comfort me is hardest. When he tries to figure out what is bothering me, why I'm so broken...it hurts. It hurts to think of telling him what he did to me. If only that hadn't happened..._

      _I just can't help but wonder; is Louis gay? I mean- did he do it for pleasure or something more? Has he ever raped a girl? Does he get...pleasure, from seeing the pain of others? All these questions keep rattling around and I don't know what to think._

 

     "Harry." Liam said from the doorway of my hotel room. "Do you want me to go with you to your session again or do you want to go alone this time?" I thought for a second. Liam has been joining me with my counseling, but was I ready to go alone?

     "No. I'll go alone today." I said. He raised his eyebrows.

     "Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded and went back to getting dressed. I slipped on my t-shirt and my basketball shorts and walked out to the kitchen area. I grabbed my water and looked at the time on thew microwave. Oh, I didn't have to leave for a half an hour. 

     I made my way to the couch and turned on the TV. Before I knew it Louis joined and sat next to me.

     "So where are you going?" he asked.

     "Gym." I replied. "In a little, though." Louis nodded.

     "Mind if I come?"

     "Um...I kind of want to go alone."

     "Oh." he said paying more to me now. "Is everything fine?" 

     "Yeah. Peachy." I said smiling. 

     "No one says they're peachy unless they're hiding something."

     "I'm not hiding anything, though."

     "What are you not telling me?" He asked mad now.

     "Nothing."

     "Harry, look at me." I looked at him and he was closer than I thought. "What's bugging you?" I looked down to avoid eye contact.

     "I said nothing." I tried to stand up and walk away, but Louis pulled me back down. "Louis let me go."

     "No." he said mad. He pushed me back so I was laying on the couch and he held my shoulders down. "What is up with you?"

 

**No. P.O.V.**

     Harry opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't. The way Louis hovered over him scared him. The way he held him down made him remember. The look in his eyes...

     "Louis...please get off." he choked out.

     "Not until you tell me what's wrong." Harry closed his eyes to hold back the tears.

     "Please..." Harry said beginning to sob now. Louis was surprised at his reaction.

     "Harry..." Harry shoved him and he fell back on the other side of the couch. Harry stood, still shaking as he tried to walk away. "What happened that you're not telling me?" Louis asked again walking over to him. With Harry's back turned to him, Louis placed his hand on his shoulder.

     "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Harry cried out turning to him. There was feet padding across the hotel room and the rest of the boys came in ans spotted Harry crying, holding himself together. He stood in front of Louis who looked surprised. His friend looked terrified and broken. He didn't know what caused this, though.

     "Louis what did you do?" Zayn asked. Harry still shook, crying and unable to move. 

     "All I did was talk to him and try to-"

     "Louis." Zayn said sternly. "What. Did. You. Do?"

     "I held him down on the couch cause I wanted an answer! All of you guys know, but me, about what's bugging Harry. Why can't I know?!" he shouted. Harry winced at his loud voice. Niall rushed to hug him and turned to Louis. 

     "Did you ever think that it's _you_?" he whispered. Louis stepped back and his mouth opened like he wanted to talk, but no noise left his mouth. Niall led Harry to the other room and Liam walked straight up to Louis.

     "What was Harry's first response?" he asked.

     "He asked me to get off." Louis said slowly.

     "How did he look when he asked you to?" Liam whispered.

     "He looked scared I guess?"

     "Now tell me why you didn't back off if he looked scared? Of  _you_?"


	7. Telling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long time waiting

**Liam's P.O.V**

    It was late now. Louis and Harry didn't even sit in the same room since what happened. They wouldn't have even gotten the chance because neither have left their room. 

     As I last Louis' room I heard slight cries coming from inside. 

     "Louis?" I asked tapping on his door. It creaked open and through it I could see him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. His shoulders shook as he let out a heavy breath. I stepped in and shut the door behind me then walked over and sat next to him. 

     "Is it what happened when we fought?" Louis asked, still not looking up. 

     "No. But it is that night." 

     "Liam, what did I do? What has Harry so scared of me?"

     "First, why did you get so drunk? You never drink that much." 

      "See-  this is why I am so torn over this. Why I just want to comfort Harry and help him feel better. I broke up with Eleanor. And it definitely didn't end as smoothly as planned" Wait-What the hell?!

     "Louis! It's been three weeks! Why didn't you tell any of us?!" I asked. 

     "I wanted to talk to Harry about it, but then he'd ask why-which I can't tell him. And you guys were all Harry all day. I couldn't find time." he said. 

     "Louis?" He looked up at me. "Why couldn't you tell Harry why you broke up with Eleanor?"

     "Damn it- Liam, I'm in love with Harry. I broke up with Eleanor because I am  _gay."_ My jaw dropped and for a second I stopped breathing. That explained so much more than I thought it would. 

      "Oh" was all I could really manage to say. I hadn't seen this coming. 

     "Now Liam, what the hell did I do to Harry?" he asked grasping my shoulders. 

      "Let me just, go take a wee first." Louis stared at me as I jumped up and pretended to run to the bathroom, but instead made a b-line for Harry's room. 

      "I have to tell him Haz." I said opening the door. No longer was he in the state he had been earlier, but he say up in bed with his laptop open for twitter. He looked up and me and have me a weird face. 

      "Are you crazy? He already hates himself for what he  _thinks_  he did. Do you want him to kill himself?" he whisper shouted at me. 

     "He needs to know! He needs to know why you need space an he needs to be able to give you that space. He can't go on living like this- away from his best friend 24/7 just so you can feel better. He will fall apart if he doesn't know why you want him so far. Do you want  _that_?!" I asked whisper shouting back. Harry shut his laptop screen and stood up. 

      "Fine. But I'm not going to be here when you do. The last thing I need is for him to come and apologize for rape." he spat. He began to walk out of the room, but he looks back, not turning around all the way. "Just tell him that I've gotten past it now. Tell him I forgive him and that we need to put this whole accident behind us." he picked up his shoes from the floor and his sweater from the hair and walked out. 

* * *

 

     "I DID  _WHAT?!_ " Louis shouted. "And he forgave me?!" Louis stood surprised from the bed and paced the room. "I need to talk to-"

     "He went out for a while." I interjected. Louis stopped his pacing and stared at me. "He knew you'd do this. He doesn't want you to apologize. He just needs space until we start the tour." I said. Louis sighed and hung his head. 

      "This is not- this." he shook his head. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" he screamed. He turned and swiped everything off his dresser. He kicked his trash can, startling me as it flew across the room.  

     "Louis!" I shouted standing up. "You need to calm down." Louis stopped moving and breathed fast and heavy. He looked up at me and his eyes were red. He shook his head again and then ran out of the room. He slammed the door so hard behind him that I heard wood crack. I went to open the door and run after him but I yanked in it and it just made a weird scratching noise. I looked at the door frame and saw how crooked it looked.  _Shit._ I yanked on it again, but it made the weird noise again. I sighed and looked at the frame again, trying to figure out what happened to it. I observed it and concluded that the top of the door frame was pushing down on the door causing the door to go crooked and fall off one of the hinges. I sighed as I stared at it and began to lift the door from its leaning side and try to push it up. 

     "Liam? What happened?" I heard Niall call from the other side of the door.  I yanked on the door again and took a deep breath. 

      "Damn it." I muttered. 

     "Liam?" I heard Zayn call now. 

     "I told Louis and he ran out and slammed the door. He totally fucked this up!" I shouted and yanked again. 

     "Oh. You told him about...?" 

     "Yeah." I sighed letting go of the knob. I took a seat on the floor and waited for a reply. 

     "Well are you okay?" Niall asked. 

     "Yes. I'm fine except for the fact that I'm stuck in here." I replied exasperated. "Could you help me out?" I asked. 

      "Uh-yeah. I'll go find some tools or something to remove the door hinges." Zayn replied. I heard his feet pad across the floor. I decided to spend my time waiting on Netflix. I walked over to Louis' bed and opened his laptop. 

I wonder where Harry and Louis are.


	8. Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Like he's glass dropped on a floor"

It was almost 10 when I arrived back to the flat. I had decided to go to my meeting then eat while I was out. After I went on a long walk in a park. I met a girl, her name was Jazmine and was looking for a new flat. We walked and talked together, she wasn't a big fan, but she knew our stuff and was a bit star struck when I literally ran into her. I guess I should watch where I am going more often.

I smiled, playing with the small piece of paper with her number on it in my jacket pocket. As I removed my shoes, Zayn came out of the room. He sighed with relief and came over to me.

"How did he take it?" I whispered.

"Not well." he replied. I placed the paper in my back pocket and hung my jacket on a hook by the door.

"Where is he?" I questioned. Zayn frowned.

"He left. He hasn't come back since and he hasn't answered any of our calls. His phone is off." I sighed. I knew this would happen.

Not replying I went back to my room. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and the small piece of paper, too. I added Jazmine's number to my contacts before tossing my phone across my bed and pulling my jeans off. I threw them into the hamper and pulled my shirt over my head tossing it over my chair. I dragged my self to the bed before I let myself flop onto it. I was tired and needed to sleep.

But what turned into trying to sleep, ended up being what felt like one of the longest night of thinking ever. It had been two hours and I could see the bright moon's light shine through the window. It was hot and stuffy and the blanket kept flying everywhere. I couldn't find a comfortable position and I couldn't stop my mind from racing.

What if Louis hadn't gotten drunk that night? For starters I wouldn't have been raped. I would have gone to sleep with Louis by my side and of we hadn't been able to sleep, we would have been playing Would You Rather. I would have woken up with a fully functioning body and made everyone breakfast with the food we had bought for the week we were staying in that hotel. Later we would have all gone to our recording session to talk about whether we wanted to do a recorded version of Torn or not. As for right now, I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I wouldn't be struggling to sleep. I wouldn't be thinking about this. I wouldn't feel the emptiness I feel inside of me now. I wouldn't feel so alone and far away from everyone. I wouldn't be depressed, as my therapist would say I am.

I truly did miss the way things were. The boys were always on guard for me. They helped me out of any awkward situations with Louis or in interviews. And I couldn't help but wonder how Louis felt about all of this. I was partially happy when I heard he wasn't home yet, but I worried he gone out and done something stupid. The boys and I had only pushed him away. I was scared of him for awhile and it took so long to realize it wasn't him I was scared of, but then after today's incident...maybe I was. Maybe it _was_ him who scared me. Maybe if I had been raped by a random, I would not even feel this bad because I wouldn't have to see their face ever again. But after all this I still wondered why Louis got so drunk.

I knew Louis. He drank when he could and if it was appropriate. He never had a hang over, but he would definitely forget a few things from the night before. But to see him chug down glass after glass at the bar, that was unusual.

I sighed and threw the covers off of me and stood up. I made my way to the window and opened the blinds all the way. Unlocking the window, I slid it up and let the fresh breeze come in. I made my way back to the bed and collapsed face down onto it. I was so tired and I didn't want to move another muscle....but that didn't go as planned when I heard the shattering of glass from the kitchen area.

"Just-just get out of my face!" I heard his voice roar. I slipped on a pair of gym shorts and made my way to the kitchen area. When I got there Louis looked so pissed that steam could be coming out of his ears and Niall stood still in the middle of the kitchen. Just to his left were pieces of glass on the ground.

"Niall?" I asked. He didn't move. His arms covered his head and his body slightly shook. I turned to Louis who I now noted was drunk. "Louis, what did you do?" I asked. Zayn and Liam came into view behind Louis by the hall. Louis walked a little closer to Niall and pointed at him.

"This little twat just doesn't know how to keep his nose in his own business. 'Louis are you okay?' " he mimicked. " 'Louis do you want to talk?' 'Is there anything you need?' God, he's just so annoying and doesn't know when I take no for an answer!" he shouted. Niall flinched, but stayed in his position.

"Louis, you need to calm down." I spoke as sternly as I could. I took a step towards him and he looked at me.

"What are you going to do Harry?" he asked tauntingly. Louis became irritated from my silence and threw another glass down. It landed right in front of Niall and he flinched again. Then I heard him cry. His body shook in absolute terror.

"Do you not see you've scared Niall?" Liam asked. "You need to calm down." He tried to step closer but snagged his foot on a piece of glass. "Shit." he screeched and fell back into Zayn's arms. Louis snorted before turning away. Anger build up inside of me and suddenly Louis wasn't Louis. He was a person who was scaring my friend.

Quickly, without noticing what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around Louis.

"Lou!" I shouted as he struggled to get out of my grasp. "Louis, you need to calm down now. You're going to end up hurting yourself or Niall!" I shouted.

"Harry just get off!" he shouted louder. I tuned him out and behind me I could hear Zayn comforting Niall.

"I was just- I was just asking him if he was okay and he was getting so irritated and then he threw- he threw the glass at me. But it missed. It- it hit the wall and shattered around me and I was scared. I didn't- I couldn't move." I could hear Niall in the background. Zayn shushed him and most likely hugged him, but now my ears were refocusing on Louis. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Liam wiping his small cut on his foot. He placed a bandage over it and then placed a clean sock on it. His eyes widened as he saw me struggling to keep a grasp on Louis. He ran over and stood on front of Louis as I held him from behind.

"Louis, I need you to calm down." Liam spike as smooth as possible. His voice was a little off, though, and sounded a bit shaky. Louis slowed his breathing and his struggling was less harsh now. "What's wrong?" Liam asked. Louis looked down and took a deep breath.

"Everything!" Louis shouted. "Everything is wrong right now!" he shouted. He tried to get out of my grasp again and ended up elbowing me in the stomach. All the air rushed out of my body and I felt myself collide with the ground. A sharp pain went through my lower back and right arm. I let out a scream silencing everyone. Niall stopped his crying and Zayn stopped his soothing. Louis stopped his shouting and Liam stopped his calming. I propped my upper body up on my left arm and looked down at my right. A piece of large glass was lodged into my arm and blood covered the area around it.

"Louis?" I heard Liam ask. I looked up at his face and he swayed a bit. His face grew pale and he opened his mouth to speak.

"Blood." he gulped. "That's-he's bleeding." he whispered faintly. Louis collapsed to the floor smacking his head on the wood floor. Liam stoops over him and bent down to check him out.

"Fuck. Zayn call 911 now." he said turning Louis onto his stomach. Into Louis' head was a piece of glass smaller than the one lodged in my right arm. "Harry, you need to go too." I nodded and them tried to get up but failed. "Harry, come on." he ushered. I took a shaky breath and look up at Liam.

"I-" I swallowed back some tears. "Liam, I can't... I can't feel my legs." I said. Niall's eyes widened from where he stood putting on his shoes and Liam stopped moving.

"Can you move them?" He asked. I tried my hardest to move them and the weirdest part was that I could feel the strain on them, wanting to lift, but no movement came from them. I laid back down all the way and let out a screech of pain and I felt something stab further into me.

"Liam," I cried. "I can't move them. I can't feel anything below my lower back." Niall came to my side as I heard sirens outside in the distance.

"Harry, I think it's best I roll you onto your stomach okay?" He said slowly. I nodded and my body shifted and there was less pressure on where the pain was coming from.

"How bad is it?" I asked. "Tell me."

"You have a large piece of glass in your lower back. I don't know where or what it's hitting, but that could be why you can't move your legs and uh-it'll be okay Harry." he said quickly changing the topic. "The ambulance is almost here. Zayn is gathering us some stuff and Louis, he is still breathing. Liam is watching him as he slips on some shoes and a jacket. You're gonna be okay."

That was the last thing he said before the ambulance came. Here's another thing to add to that list of things that wouldn't have happened if Louis hadn't gotten drunk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ready to be hated


	9. Hospital

"18 Male. Harry Styles. Fell on broken glass. One piece in his lower back. One in his arm. Can't move his legs." The paramedic said, assisting the doctor in getting me out of the van. Nearby I heard doctors doing the same with Louis.

"20 Male. Louis Tomlinson. Passed out at the sight of his friend's blood and head landed on glass." I heard his paramedic say. I breathed in deeply as I was rolled through the hospital doors.

"Okay." a female doctor shouted. "Lift him on 3, 2, 1." Three doctors lifted the sheet I lay on and put me on the hospital bed. I groaned out in pain and could feel the glass stabbing into my back. "Okay! Where's my intern?" she shouted.

"Right here!" shouted a familiar voice. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jazmine walk into view with scrubs on and all. "Harry?" she asked spotting me.

"Hey." I replied weakly.

"Doctor, he is a patient right now, no time for being buddies. Let's get him some X-Rays on these pieces of glass." the doctor barked.

"Wait!" I called out for the doctor. "What about my friend? Louis?"

"Tomlinson?" she asked. I nodded. "He's going in for X-Rays and then brain surgery." she spoke nonchalantly. My heard sped up and the heart monitor next to me started beeping wildly.

"Harry!" Jazmine shouted at me. She grasped my large hand in hers and continued. "You need to calm down, everything will be fine." she said. I nodded but couldn't speak as I was rolled away and she let go.

~*~

"He's going to need surgery." My doctor spoke. Liam, Niall, and Zayn's mouth dropped.

"First Louis and now Harry..." Zayn muttered, putting hit face in his hands.

"Why?" Liam asked.

"In simplest term, the glass in Mr. Styles' arm is next to a major vein in the arm. If we don't cut in there to get it out, rather then removing in then getting stitches, the glass is more than likely to cut that vein. As for the piece in his back, there isn't any showing so we have to surgically remove it." The doctor finished and looked between the boys and I for our answers.

"What are the risks?" Zayn questioned.

"There's only one thing." The doctor sighed. "There's a 50% chance that Harry will never walk again." My breathing hitched and my heart almost stopped I swear.

"Oh my god." I said just above a whisper. "What about our friend Louis? How is he doing?"

"One of your friends will have to ask the nurse at the floor's desk. I'm not his doctor. And right now the nurses are prepping the OR." I nodded and laid back. "Liam," I asked once the doctor was gone. "Could you call my mum? And I think Jay should know her son just had open brain surgery." Liam nodded and walked out of the room to go call.

"Are you okay?" I asked Niall. He hadn't spoken since I saw him past last. He nodded and played with the zipper of his jacket.

"Just a bit shaken up from earlier and then this happened all so fast."

"Yeah." I agreed. "It ha-" A sharp pain went through my back and I let out an ear splitting scream. Zayn jumped up and hit a red button on the wall. My eyes started to water as the pain subsided.

"What hurts?" The doctor asked quickly, running in.

"The-it's gone. It doesn't hurt anymore." I said. She sighed with relief and nodded.

"I'm going to roll you on your side and can you please point where the pain came from?"

"Yeah." I replied. She placed her hands on my shoulder and waist an rolled me onto my left side. I was about to point when I realized something. "No, No, No." I muttered.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. Niall an Zayn stared at me with worried eyes.

"I can't- uh- I can't feel my arms. I can't move them." I spoke shakily. She rested me back into my old positions and grabbed my hand.

"Squeeze my hand." she instructed. I did my best to try and do so, but I just couldn't feel my arms. I shook my head and my vision blurred from tears forming in my eyes. Immediately she ran into the hall. "I need a nurse to help me get this boy to the OR stat!!" I looked in Zayn and Niall's direction and I could see them freaking out.

"What's happening?" Niall asked.

"He's going into surgery now. He's losing control of the rest of his body." she said. I looked back up at her and I, too, began to panic.

Before I knew it, three people, including my doctor, we're rolling me down the halls of the hospital. Things were being said, but I didn't hear. Everything was happening so quick. The only thing I heard was my heart beating in my ears. And soon we were in a room and everyone around me was in scrubs and had face masks on. Cords were being hooked up to me and a breathing mask was placed over me. Soon the beeping of the machines began to fade....

~*~

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._ That was all I heard when I woke up. It was weird, though, because I hadn't opened my eyes. I forgot about that and realized I could wiggle my toes. I smiled to myself and noticed sore feeling in my back. I sighed and concentrated on some voices on the other side of the room that spoke quietly.

"...,but I suggest he uses a wheel chair the first week and if we wants to walk, only short distances." I heard my doctor say.

"What about Louis?" I heard Liam ask.

"Well," a different doctor spoke. "he seems to have no recollection of the past few weeks. He woke up rambling on about breaking up with someone and we had to get someone in there to calm him down. Other than that he know remembers everything. He should be waking back up again soon. You guys can talk to him, but don't rush anything on him." he finished. I heard steps fading and I decided to open my eyes. I looked over to the boys and realized that Niall was staring somewhere else. I looked and noticed Louis sleeping there with a bandage around his head. My eyes flickered toward the boys again, but thy didn't notice me.

I became frustrated and moved my arms to help me sit up and then the boys saw me.

"Harry, how are you feeling?" Liam asked.

"Fine." I replied, sounding a little more weak than I thought. "Can you help me sit up?" I asked. He nodded and grabbed hold of my arm. As I pushed myself up he lifted and now I was sitting straight up. My eyes made their way back to Louis an I couldn't help but just watch him sleep. Even with machines beeping and chords and wires in him, he looked so peaceful compared to the rage he went on earlier.

I let a tear slid down my race as I realized all this was really reality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect another post tomorrow!


	10. Louis' Decision

 

It was obvious that Harry was trying to forget what had happened, and it was obvious that he hadn't wanted me to know. So that's what I was going to do.

When I woke up and the doctor told me about what had happened, I knew this was my opportunity. I could have had severe damage and I was going to make it look like I had minor. It's as simple as saying the last thing you remember was from a few weeks ago. Simple, but effective.

But now I contemplated on telling Harry about me breaking up with Eleanor and if I would ever tell him _why._ I really did know I loved him because it broke my heart when I saw Harry's bed being rolled in the room next to me. I'd asked to keep the curtain open, but that moment I had regretted it. My heart literally ached at the fact that I had hurt Harry. Slightly, through the side of his hospital gown, I could see the bandage the wrapped around his lower back and right below his stomach.

The doctor left and the nurse stayed behind to get Harry settled in. A heat pad was placed under his lower back and she walked over to a cabinet and pulled a blanket out. The nurse covered Harry and left his arms on top of his blanket. I looked at his right arm and noticed the badge there, too. The nurse left and soon the boys came walking in slowly.

"How are you doing?" Liam asked, sitting next to me.

"I'm fine. What happened?" I asked. I wanted to know what they were going to be telling everyone.

"Niall accidentally dropped his glass when he was drinking his water. Harry slipped in the water and fell. You fainted at the sight of all his blood and got a piece of glass in your head." Zayn replied. I nodded and looked back at Liam.

"You should get some more rest." He suggested. "I called your mom and she should be here soon. Would you like me to wake you when she is?" he asked. I shook my head and pulled the covers higher up before drifting off to sleep.

_~*~_

I took one last look at Louis before I heard the door creak open. I looked over and saw Jay peeking through with puffy, red eyes. She tried to manage a slight smile as she stepped in. The boys stood to greet her and 'I missed you's and 'How are you doing?'s were exchanged in a quiet tone.

She took a breath before turning to me. She made way to my side and leaned over to hug me. I lifted my left arm to hug her, too and she pulled back smiling just a bit more.

"Your mom should be here soon darling." she said brushing my curls with her fingers. Her hand slightly shook as she removed her hand. She turned around to face Louis. I couldn't begin to imagine the emotions she must have been feeling; seeing her son on a hospital bed with a bandage around his head. If I were her, I would probably in the same state she is now. I looked away as I heard her let out a sob. I shut my eyes trying to push out her crying.

That must have worked because I became more aware of my surroundings as a hand rested on my arm. I looked up and Jazmine's smile became clear and no cries were being heard.

"How are you doing?" she asked. I readjusted my head on my pillow and smiled.

"I'm doing fine." I replied. "So you're an intern?" I questioned.

"Yeah. That's why I'm out here looking for a new flat." she nodded. I nodded too and looked around. Louis still slept an everyone was gone. "I saw them in the cafeteria." Jazmine spoke up. "But I need to get going. Call me when you're better." she smiled. She sat up from the chair and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind her. I rested my head back and breathed deeply.

Ignoring the soreness in my lower back, I rolled over and stared at Louis. Maybe if he didn't remember anything, we could go back to normal. I could try and forget what had happened. Or...maybe I won't forget, but maybe I can move on from it. Therapy has been helping, do maybe this is the chance we need to take?

 


	11. The Truth

     It had been a couple days since I have been in the hospital. Louis was released yesterday, and today I was. My mom and Jay had both left after Louis was released. My mom didn't want to, but she needed to get back to Robin.

     Jazmine came back to assist the nurses in removing the IV and disconnecting the machines from me. Once that was done, one nurse stayed while the everyone left. As awkward as it was for the nurse to assist me changing, I was grateful for the help because I found it harder to stand than expected. 

     Once my sweatpants and sweater, that Liam had brought me, we're on, I was helped into a wheelchair and rolled down to the lobby. The boys and Paul smiled and I smiled back. 

     "Not that I don't want you here or anything, but why are you here Paul?" I questioned. 

     "The boys called me." he replied. I gave the boys a confused look because I didn't see why he would be needed if we weren't on tour right now. Paul must have noticed because he added, "There's paparazzi everywhere outside. And Andy is right outside keeping them from getting to the Pick-Up." I nodded again. 

     "So are you ready?" Niall asked. 

     "Definitely ready to leave this depressing hospital," I replied grinning. Louis let out a small laugh and walked behind me and began to push my wheelchair. Once I was outside the hospital, I could hear cameras clicking from just a distance away. I turned and saw some of the paparazzi and decided to give them a wave. Once I did, their cameras clicked faster. 

      Getting into the van was a bit harder than expected. Once the wheelchair was folded in the back, Liam and Louis assisted me in getting up. Louis sat inside the van and held onto my arm to pull me, and Liam grasped my waist to push me. I really didn't realize how high the van actually was from the ground until now. I knew it was about a foot, but getting up here felt like so much more. 

~*~

     Getting out of the van was way less difficult. Louis helped lower me into the wheelchair which took only seconds, but I couldn't help but feel awkward in his grasp. It still felt weird having him hold me or touch me in any way, sexual or not. 

     After thanking Paul and Andy for the help, they both left from our flat. Liam rolled me into the complex's elevator and up to our floor. I looked around and noticed that it was still a bit messy, but every thing was cleaned up in the kitchen. Liam rolled me over to my room and everything but my bed was clean. My covers were still tossed from a few nights ago. 

      "Thanks." I said to Liam. 

     "No problem." 

     Liam assisted me into the bed and I could feel the strain off my legs. Once Liam was gone I turned over and cuddled more into the blankets. I wasn't tired, but I was exhausted. I felt around for my phone, seeing as I never moved it from my bed. I reached for it under my pillow and checked to see 17 messages. Most were from my friends back home wondering how I was and gave them each quick updates. The next few were most recent from my mom, Gemma, and Robin. There was also one from Ed(Sheeran) and Danielle. That's when I realized that with everything happening, they hadn't seen each other in a while. 

     "LIIIAAAMMMMM!!!" I screamed for him. Within seconds he burst through the door paranoid. 

     "Are you okay?!" 

     "Yessss. But when's the last time you saw Danielle?" I asked. Liam looked a bit surprised at the question, but thought for a moment before frowning.

     "Maybe a month?" 

     "Okay. I need you to do something."    

     "Yeah, what do you need?"

     "GO SEE DANIELLE YOU IDIOT!" Liam jumped at my outburst. 

     "But I need to watch over -"

     "Zayn can."

     "What if you fall in the sh-"

     "Nothing Niall hasn't seen before." I continued to interrupt him. "Liam, we will be fine without daddy direction for a day." Liam sighed and shrugged his shoulders. 

     "Are you sure?" he asked. 

     "Yes. Go call her up before I actually get up to make you. I will if I must." I joked pointing my finger at him. Liam smile before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

~*~

     I heard the door creak open behind me, but I didn't even need to ask who it was because I could tell it was Niall by the way that his foot steps sounded across the floor. They were the lightest of the boys'. Niall came into view and rolled onto the other side of my bed. 

    "How're ya doing?" he asked.

    "Fine. Just a little hungry." I replied. Niall nodded and readjusted his head on the pillow. 

    "How do you do it?" He asked suddenly. "I find it so scary just to be around Louis and he didn't even touch me. But you-" he said exasperatingly. "Are you not scared every second?" he asked just above a whisper. 

     "Well, I guess it's a bit different for you. I'm not really scared as much as you are because he...well he was angry with you. You were just trying to helpful and he became irritated with you. I mean-he threw glass at you and yelled in your face. That was him angry. But I didn't get a bad side of Louis. I don't really know what he felt towards me when he did what he did. It's more the memories that scare me." Niall nodded and listened. "Also, out of all of us, you're probably the most sensitive." Niall raised his eyebrow. "Admit it man." I said slightly shoving him. He laughed and nodded, agreeably. 

     "Yeah. I guess I am." he stated. "I was absolutely terrified. I'd never seen that side of Louis before."

     "None of us had until then..."

     "I just feel like there was more to it. More than him being upset over what he did." 

     "What do you mean?" I asked. 

     "Maybe he was more upset about  _who_ he did it to." He added, only confusing me more. 

     "Still not on the same page." 

     "Louis broke up with Eleanor. Ever consider he may have stronger feelings for  _you_?"

     "For me?" I asked sitting up quickly. Niall followed and nodded.

     "And he broke up with Eleanor? When?"

     "That same night that he...you know."

     "Wait- that's why he got drunk..." As fast and best as I could I stood and ran

to the door. My legs ached, but I needed to talk to Louis.


	12. Louis Remembers

"Louis!" Harry shouted, running the best he could through the flat. Louis, unaware of what Harry was doing, walked out of his room confused.

"Yeah?" He called back. Just around the hall corner Harry collapsed, his legs not being able to carry him any longer.

"Shit." he muttered.

"Harry?" he called out. Curiously he left the doorway and walked down the hall and turned the corner to see Harry on the floor, propped up by his elbows. "Harry, what the fuck are you doing without your wheelchair?!" he asked helping him up.

"Why didn't you tell me you broke up with Eleanor?" Harry asked ignoring Louis' question.

"I don't really want to talk about it. Not right now." he replied.

"Harry!" Niall shouted coming into view. "What the hell were you thinking?" he asked.

"Nothing." Harry said shaking his head. Louis sighed as Niall took Harry back to the room while scolding him. Louis walked back into his room and flopped onto his bed.

"Guess this will be harder than I thought." Louis mumbled to himself.

~*~

"We should probably make some food, huh?" Zayn asked looking at Niall, Louis, and Harry. The boys nodded and looked at each other.

"Can any of you guys cook?" he asked.

"I can, but not without standing." Harry replied. The boys looked at each other waiting for someone to offer to go buy some food.

"Guess I will go get food." Louis said standing up.

"Aw, thanks mate. I would have," Niall spoke, "but you beat me to the offer." Louis scowled at Niall before walking to the hooks by the coat hangers and picking up the keys.

"I'll be back soon." Louis replied opening the door. But through the door came a giggling Danielle and Liam, kissing while removing shoes and buckles. Immediately Louis left and the rest of the boys jaws dropped.

"You couldn't have gone to Danielle's?!" Harry asked.

"Here," kiss, "was," kiss, "closer." Liam replied as he threw Danielle's sweater across the room and made it land over Niall's head. The boys stared at each other and then turned back to Liam and Danielle who now made their way for the stairs.

Liam whispered something into her ear and she giggled and smiled like an idiot. Danielle jumped and wrapped her legs around him as he supported her by grasping her legs and bum before heading upstairs.

"What did we just witness?" Zayn asked not looking away from the spot they were moments ago as Niall removed Danielle's sweater from his face.

"Daddy direction wants his mama." Niall replied sexually. Harry and Zayn stared at him and began laughing.

"I legit can not believe that that just happened." Harry said in between breathes. " My gosh!"

~*~

"They still haven't come down." Harry dully noted, stuffing orange chicken into his mouth. "Think they're still going at it?"

"I don't know." Louis replied. "How long ago did they get home?"

"Like an hour ago." Niall replied.

"How long have they not seen each other?" Louis asked.

"A month." Harry replied.

"Definitely still at it." Louis smirked biting into some BBQ pork.

Harry smiled and took note of the fact that him and Louis were socializing almost like they had been before everything happened. Liam was not stressed with watching over us, and Zayn and Niall were just going on with life. He looked at Louis, still smiling, and watched him chew his food.

"What?" Louis asked putting his chopsticks down.

"Nothing," Harry replied looking down at his food. "Absolutely nothing." he smiled again.

~*~

As the boys turned on the TV and Zayn went to throw away the trash, a loud thud came from upstairs. Niall hit the pause in the TV and they listened curiously.

"Shit." they heard faintly.

"My god, are you okay?" thy heard Danielle's say. There was no reply, but there was some shuffling across the ground.

"What do you think happened?" Niall asked.

"Twenty says that they broke the bed." Zayn said walking into the room. Niall scoffed and shook his head.

"Fifty says she broke his penis." he challenged. Zayn raised his eyebrow.

"You're on!" he stuck his hand out.

"Like Donkey Kong!" Niall shouted back shaking his hand.

Within the next 10 minutes Liam came walking awkwardly downstairs. Ignoring the presence of the boys, he made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Walking back out the the kitchen, the boys erupted into laughter. Liam glared as he held the frozen package of mixed veggies over his _package._

"It really isn't all that funny." Liam stated.

"Oh, but it _is."_ Louis replied and laughed again.

"Fifty!" Niall shouted at Zayn. "Hand it over, mate!" Smugly, Zayn pulled out his wallet and gathered the money before handing it to Niall.

"Want to know something?" Liam spoke up. The boys slowed their laughing and gave Liam their attention. "You guys are just jealous that my dancer girlfriend with long sexy legs is capable of doing this." he whispered pointing at his crotch. The boys immediately stopped their giggling and looked at him in disbelief.

"You've been corrupted Daddy Direction!" Louis exclaimed. Liam just smirked and slowly made his way up the stairs.

 

That night Liam lay happily with his girlfriend in his arms. He felt good to sleep without anything to worry majorly about at the moment. All they had was an interview in a couple of days for what happened and recording in a month.

Zayn slept just as he usually did, but with the thought of getting his own flat on mind. All the boys ha talked of getting their own and it seemed about time.

Niall slept well and felt good because he could feel his ties with Louis becoming stronger again. They hadn't directly has a conversation since the incident, but he felt better around him.

Harry slept in peace. He could feel things getting slightly better with Louis and as soon as he was out of the wheelchair, he would have to call Jazmine and hang out with her. Yeah, he had those memories that would haunt him, but maybe they were  _just_ memories. He could create new ones.

But Louis slept unsure. Maybe he should move out, get over Harry and find another girl....or guy? Maybe he should let go of his past and try to forget that any pain Harry has been through the last month was because of him. After all, From what Harry knew, Louis remembered none of it.

~*~

Around 2 am Danielle decided she was in need of some water. Quietly she slid out of Liam's arms and pulled on some of his clothes from the drawers. She made her way down the stairs, careful not to be too loud. and to the kitchen.

As she opened the door to go back into Liam's room, she heard a loud scream of pain from Harry's room. Quickly, she rushed to Harry's room and found him tossing in his bed screaming.

"STOP!" he screamed. "PLEASE JUST STOP!" he cried out, grasping the sheets and tossing them about. Harry started sweating and panting. Immediately Danielle rushed over to comfort the younger boy.

"LIAM!" she shouted.

"SOMEONE HELP!" Harry shouted again. "LIAM!" he called. "JUST MAKE HIM STOP!" he cried again.

"Harry," Danielle said, shaking Harry. Liam ran into the room now and stared at the scene in front of him. "Harry!" she shouted again. Suddenly Harry's eyes flew open and Liam flicked the lights on. Harry stared at Danielle shaking and crying. Quickly he wrapped his arms around her and cried more. Danielle had no idea what was going on, but still she comforted the boy.

"What happened??" Louis asked running to the doorway of Harry's room.

"It was just a nightmare." Liam replied. "Just go back to sleep." he said blocking the doorway. As Louis backed away he peered over Liam's shoulder and his heart ached knowing what it really was. He saw the younger boy's body shake as he cried into Danielle's shoulder.

Laying back in bed, Louis thought hard about _his dream_ and what he had done to Harry.

**Louis' P.O.V.**

_"I love so much, Harry." I murmured into Harry's neck. I don't think he heard me, but I had told him. I had finally told him._

 

_"Please," Harry choked out, "St-stop, Louis." he begged. But I ignored him. I thrust into him again._

 

_I reached under his body and grabbed hold of his dick. I enjoyed the way it felt in my hand and squeezed it. Hearing him shriek made me want him even more._

 

_I pulled out of Harry and began a trail of kisses along his neck and back and he wiggled under my grasp. No longer aware of what I was doing I kept doing that. But how I wanted so much more._

 

_I squeezed him again and he let out a gasp and grabbed onto the sheets, squeezing them and pulling on them._

 

The realization that all these scrambled snippets of my dream were actually from me raping Harry made me gasp out loud. Had I really put him through _that._ I hadn't realized what I'd actually done before now, just that I had done it. But now remembering, remembering the pain he displayed. The amount of tears he shed. She screams muffled by my hand. The way I held his arms above his head, not even allowing him to move.

I looked down at my hands and balled them into fists. _I_ had hurt my friend so much, yet he was willing to try and forget about all that had happened and forgive me. Forgive me and try to save out friendship and what we had?

I could feel my heart ache as I tossed my legs over the side of the be and stood. Tears streamed down my face as I paced around my room. Angrily, I ran down stairs as fast as I could and opened the fridge. Pulling out a few beers, I set them on the counter and searched for more.

Not really remembering how, I made it into my room and slammed the door shut behind me before breaking into tears again. I threw the beer bottle I held in my hand somewhere across the room and let my body slide to the ground.

I knew one thing, I had to tell Harry the truth.

 


	13. I'm A Monster Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, just a filler chapter

"...and then I woke up." Harry finished telling the therapist about what had happened last night. She nodded and wrote something down.

"And when was the last time you had this dream?" she questioned.

"It was..." Harry stopped to think for a moment. "It was a couple weeks after the incident...maybe three." He nodded confirming it to himself.

"Was this dream any different than the last time you had one?" she asked. Harry thought for a moment.

"It was. This last dream I had... I could scream. I was screaming for help and I could move. Before, like when it actually happened, I couldn't move... at all, really. I wasn't able to get him off of me in any of the dreams, but this time I could push on him. Before..." Harry choked up a little and his eyes began to water a little bit. "Before, I couldn't move at all. He held both of my-um...both of my hands above my head so I couldn't push him away. But I could; this dream. I just wasn't strong enough." Harry finished slightly crying. He looked down and took deep breathes as he wiped away his tears.

"In your dream you said you were able to yell for help," he nodded, "Did anyone hear you? Did they try to stop him?" she asked.

"Right before I woke up my friend heard me. My friend, Niall, came in and he tried to get him off of me, but instead Louis got up and he threw me off the bed before starting to... he started to hit my other friend and I couldn't do anything. I was in pain on the floor and then it seemed as if, well I guess Niall was on the floor in pain or something, but he came back to me and...he started again and I yelled and called for someone to make him stop. That's when I woke up."

"Okay." She said slowly nodding. "Now I understand everything else with why you didn't report this and how he doesn't remember, but around all that, how do you feel around him?"

"Well....I guess I feel alright." Harry shrugged. "I still feel awkward whenever I need help getting around the flat and he will hold onto my arm or waist. I don't him touching me. But when he's not, things are better than the first week was. Except, I worry when I see him drinking some alcohol and it scares me because I've noticed him being extra careful around me and I'm not sure if it's because of my condition or not and he also gets irritated a lot more easily than he use to."

"Mhmm..." the therapist nodded again, writing something down. "Well, Harry the time is up for today." Harry nodded before rolling himself back a little in his wheelchair before turning toward the door.

"Oh!" Harry spoke up. "Thank you, for helping me with everything and keeping this under wraps. It wouldn't be good if it got out that I was going to therapy." The lady smiled and nodded.

"See you next week, Harry."

~*~

"What in the world?" Liam asked stepping into Louis' room. Everything was neat except for his bed and the numerous pieces of glass from beer bottles scattered by his window and closet.

Being Liam, he decided to pick up the large pieces of glass and took them to the kitchen trash. One he threw them away he made his way around the flat to look for the boy. He stopped at the bathroom door before knocking. There was no response, but the sound of throwing up. Liam opened the door and found Louis sitting on the ground with his head over the toilet. Sighing, Liam sat next to the older boy and rubbed his shoulders.

"Were you drinking?" Liam asked, already knowing the answer. Louis didn't say anything, but he looked up and nodded. Louis' eyes were red and puffy and Liam couldn't help but wonder why he had drunk in the first place. Louis sat up and leaned more over the toilet and vomited again. "Why?" Liam asked, still rubbing his back.

"Because I know what I did to Harry. I know that I hurt him and I know that his nightmare was because of what I did. I heard what he screamed and there are these bits and pieces of that night that I remember that keep haunting me. How he asked me to stop, but I didn't." he cried. "How he tried to yell for you, but I didn't let him. How I didn't even let him move...I held him down and I put him through all of that and what I remember isn't even half of it." Louis shook his head ashamed and cried more. Liam was wide-eyes. He didn't know Louis remembered anything from that night. He didn't even know he remembered the past month really. "He fucking _begged_ me to stop." He spat. "I ignored him and I kept hurting him."

"Louis-"

"No, Liam. What I did was wrong. I don't even know how you can be here, or even how you can look at me." Louis cried again and rested his forehead on the toilet seat, looking down. Liam sighed.

"Well, I need to take Danielle back home and pick up Harry from Physical Therapy." He said lying about the ‘Physical' part. Louis nodded, but didn't look up. "Do you need anything? I can stop at the store."

"Just- just don't tell Harry I know." He pleaded. "And could you get something you could make for dinner?" he asked a little more quiet. "All we have are frozen vegetables." Louis sniffled and looked up at Liam.

"Sure." Liam responded. Liam left the bathroom and shut the door behind him as he heard hi, vomiting again. He sighed as he made way back to his room to Danielle it was time to go.

They made their way to the front living area and Danielle scoped the room for her sweater. Once she found it, she picked it up and they left.

 


	14. A Confusing Dream

     Harry stood, using his upper arm strength to hold himself up against the car. 

     "You need help?" Liam asked. Harry nodded slightly and Liam lifted him by his waist, just enough to get him off the ground and feet in the car. 

     "I got it now." Harry assured Liam. Liam stepped away and folded the wheelchair into the trunk. Taking a deep breath, Liam made his way to the driver's seat and stepped into the car and put the key in the ignition. 

     "We're going to head to the market and buy some groceries." Liam said pulling out of the parking spot. "And the guys want something to eat other than vegetables but they know they need to eat the so I need to find some seasoned meat that I can just pan cook..." Harry smiled weirdly and shook his head at Liam's babbling.

     "So how is the lower region?" Harry asked as Liam switched lanes to turn right.

     "What-oh!" he exclaimed recalling the incident. "Yeah... I'm okay." he nodded blushing. "We were just-you know- and then we....fell off the bed, which hurt. A lot." Harry laughed as Liam concentrated on his driving. 

     Soon Harry's laughs died down and he leaned his head back on his chair. The drive was another 10 minutes until they reached the market and Harry was enjoying the silence. 

     "Do you want to get out?" Liam asked parking. Slowly Harry shook us head. "Are you okay, Harry?"

      "How is Lou?" 

      "He's-"

      "Teasdale. And Lux? When is the last time we saw them?" he asked. 

     "I don't know." Liam shrugged. "With all the recording to be done and what's happened recently, we're pretty much on break until November. We've got a couple performances before MSG, but that's it really-so we really woudn't need to see her until then." 

      "Could I call them over for dinner? I got a text from her a while ago and I realized we haven't really been socializing enough. We need to keep our spirits up an-"

      "Sure." Liam shrugged. 

      "You interrupted my speech." 

      "I have groceries to buy and places to be." Liam said hopping out of the car. Harry laughed a little nodding and Liam shut the door making his way to the market entrance. 

      Carefully, Harry adjusted himself and reached in his side pocket pulling out his phone. 

~*~

      "So.." Louis said as we all finished eating. "I guess Liam and I can't take care of dishes and you we'll meet you guys in the living room?" He suggesting looking at the boys and Lou with Lux. 

     "Sounds good." Harry said pushing his chair out and standing. The rest of the boys stood, too, and made their ways to the other room, with the exception of Liam and Louis, and then Niall who helped Harry. Harry had insisted on trying to walk more to gain more leg control. 

**"So what is it? He's not going to physical therapy is he?" Louis asked rinsing a dish and putting it in the dishwasher.**

 "Does it hurt? When you try to walk, that is." Lou asked Harry while Zayn and Niall adored Lux and messed around on her twitter.

**"No." Liam replied. "It's therapy, but not to help him physically." Louis sighed.**

"Yeah." Harry replied. "But I try not to take it too far. Two of the boys help me up the stairs and I can usually walk around a room but not for more than a minute."

**"What is his diagnosis thingy?" Louis asked in a whisper. "Depression or...?"**

**"Trauma Depression."**

"How are you and Louis? I heard you guys got in a bit of a disagreement awhile ago, but I wasn't given any details." Lou asked caring. "I'm always here of you need a friend to talk to Harry. "You're like a little deranged brother." Harry chuckled and shook his head.

**"What in the hell's that?" Louis asked Liam confused.**

**"I'm not exactly sure, but it's the type of depression someone goes through when they lose a loved one or something traumatic happened to them." Liam explained. Ashamed, Louis shook his head and mentally slapped himself.**

**"He still doesn't know I remember anything, right?"**

"We're okay. With things that have recently happened he's been really helpful in making sure I won't do anything stupid. Except, yesterday after Liam was gone... I had to ask him something so I  _ran_  to his room. But that didn't work out." Harry laughed scratching his neck. 

 "You idiot. Are you trying to injure yourself more?" she asked slapping his arm. 

**"Right." Liam assured him. "But why don't you want him to know?"**

**"Right now he thinks I don't know, and for his good and our friendship, he is trying to get over-maybe not forget-but get over what happened. If I remembered, then he would lose hope of us being the same because if I remember he knows that I'd feel the way I do now." I answered putting the last dish in the sink.**

**Liam didn't respond, but finished cleaning the table and we headed over to the rest of the group.**

~*~

     "Remember, boys-We have an interview tomorrow. Be up by 11!" Liam shouted from down the hall. 

     "We know!" Zayn shouted back. "You've told us a fajillion times since Lou and Lux have left." I chucked at Zayn's comment and a couple doors shut and I turned over in bed and stared at my phone screen deciding to send a text. 

_To: Jazmine_

_Message: Hey. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon, but how about coffee after?_

     I set my phone down on the night stand and turned over to go to sleep. 

 

_Louis hit me again and told me to stop moving. His large hand covered my mouth and looked around. There wasn't a sound._

_"Noe get on your stomach," he instructed. I didn't move, but then Louis was flipping me over and pressing himself into me. I screamed out in pain and Louis covered my mouth. Quickly, I bit his hand and he let go. I started to scream for Liam. Call for anyone that could get Louis to stop. Being on my stomach did not have any advantages, though, and he shoved my face into the pillow to stop my screams. Pulling my head back up by my hair, he growled in my ear. "Shut. Up. Harry."_

_As best as I could I tried to get him off of my back but nothing worked._

_"I didn't want to have to do this Harry. " He slid out me of me and walked to the other side of the room. The worst part about all this is that I know it's a dream, but in the dream I feel the pain and I can't wake myself up._

_My heart started beating faster as I saw Louis walking back over with some objects in his hand. I put my hand in front of me to block him._

_"Stop!" I shouted at him. But he didn't. "Your anger is getting the best of you! Please don't!" I shouted. Louis ignored me again and grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him. "Please stop," I begged him, not even wondering wear any of these supplies had come from._

_"You can shut up and sit still, otherwise I can make this hurt more." He spat. I quickly shut my mouth and did so remembering a time when I was younger for a minute. Stealthily, and almost in second Louis had my hands tied and above my head to the headboard post._

_"Louis.." I cried._

" _Shut Up!!" he roared and slapped me. Then Louis wasn't really Louis. His face altered and now he looked like a strange man. He didn't really look familiar so I couldn't place it. I looked down and he bent my legs tying my ankles to my thighs. I felt smaller now and the setting switched. I was in an old apartment. I looked to the side and saw another boy-he didn't look familiar either. Then I noticed the mirror and I looked at myself. I looked like I was 15 again. The grown man yanked me up and suddenly my hands were tied behind my back and I was thrown to a floor by the other boy. The other boy was naked, too and I couldn't figure out why this was all happening. The man bent down to out level and pointed at us. "You do what I say or you only get hurt-that simple." he spat._

 

     My eyes shot open and my light was on with Louis in front of me. Soon footsteps padded across the ground and the rest of the boys showed up in my doorway. 

     "Harry-" Louis started making me snap my head towards him. "Are you okay? You were screaming an-"

     "Step away." I said raising my hand. I breathed heavily as he did so. And the hours stared at me. "Please...don't come any closer." Louis' face had a pang of sadness but infusion as well, but then it started screwing up into guy's face from my dream. 

     "Harry-" he stepped toward me again. 

     "Get away!" I shouted and huddle closer to the other side of the bed. 

     "Harry-what happened?" Liam asked. 

     "It was just a dream-please leave." Slowly Zayn and Louis retreated, but Liam and Niall stared at me. After me not speaking for another minute they, too began to leave. "Wait-Niall!" I called for him. He and Liam turned to face me wondering what I needed. "Stay with me?" I asked, letting my walls break down and began crying. Niall made his way past Liam and got into the bed. Liam turned the light off and shut the door an I cuddled into Niall letting him embrace me in a Horan hug. 

      "Harry, what happened?"

      "The nightmare. I mean- it was Louis then I don't even know and it was horrible. Worse than when Louis actually did it." I cried into his shoulder. 

      "Shh.." Niall cooed. "Everything will be fine."

      "But I don't think it will."

 


	15. Plain Confusion to the Point That My Readers Are Probably Annoyed

     "How do you think the fans are going to react?" Harry asked looking toward the guys and then out to the fans around the small stage with couches. "What if I didn't go out on the wheelchair?"

     "Are you crazy?" Zayn asked looking at Harry with a weird face. "Yo barely started walking 20 steps without falling or feeling pain."

      "I know. It's not that far to walk onto the stage."

     "We need to walk though the crowd of fans to get onto the stage." Zayn shot.

     "I'll help him." Liam shrugged. "He has to get back on his feet sometime and the sooner he is, the better. And he needs all the practice he can get." Harry smiled at him and Zayn let out a sigh. 

     "Relax." Louis patted him in the back. "Harry will be fine."

 

     "As you all know, recently Harry and Louis were hospitalized. And for the first time post hospital, they are coming to an interview!" the host shouted into the microphone while cameras moved around the stage. " _Our_ interview!" The Directioners screamed, wild with anticipation. None of the boys had been public in a while and the fans couldn't wait to see how they were doing. "As everyone knows, Louis is now fine, but Harry continues to use his wheelchair and is going to physical therapy to get walking again. So now, PLEASE WELCOME ONE DIRECTION!" 

     The tune of One Thing played and a security guard opened the door that let to the back of the crowds in the room. Fans turned and stood from their seats to look at the boys. But jaws dropped when they saw Liam assisting Harry walk. 

     "I can't believe it, Harry is walking out with the help of Liam!" the guy shouted. Fans cried as they all past and touched their hands. Liam and Harry walked, not too slow, but at a slower than regular pace. The fans cheered as Harry walked up the steps and onto the stage where they all sat along the couch. 

~*~

    "He says the dream wasn't about you." Liam said coming into Louis' room. 

     "Are you sure?" Louis asked looking up. "He looked at me like I was about to kill him."

     "Yeah." Liam let out a heavy sigh. "I think it's something else. He described to me something that-" Liam paused trying to find his words. "He said he was younger in the dream...he said there was another boy...nothing connected to what happened with you. In the dream it was a grown man and they were in some apartment or something. I don't...I don't know. Something is wrong."

     "Tell me about it." Louis muttered. "How is he right now?"

     "He's getting ready for a date." The words hit Louis like a truck. Harry was going to go out on a date with someone? He was seeing someone? How had that got past him?

     "Who?" Louis questioned, setting his feelings aside. He couldn't have a breakdown over a date. "I didn't know he was seeing anyone."

     "He's not. Just met her recently I think. She was the youngest intern helping you guys during your hospital stay." 

     "Jazmine?" he asked. Liam nodded and they sat in silence for a moment."Do you think he'll ever be  _okay_ again? He was better before, it's only seemed to worsen recently." 

     "I don't know, Lou." 

     "Hey guys," Zayn said popping his head in the room. "I'm going to take Harry to his date and then go flat searching."

     "Okay." Liam responded. 

~*~

     "So you don't mind that I'm in a wheelchair?" Harry asked. Jazmine shook her head. 

     "Not at all." I use to be in a relationship with a girl in a wheelchair." she shrugged. But Harry almost spit his drink out all over the place. 

    "Girl?" he asked.

    "Oh! Yeah, I'm bisexual." Harry nodded and wiped his mouth. 

     "Interesting..."

     "I freaked you out didn't I?"

     "Surprised is actually the word."

     "You think I'm weird!" she accused.

       "No!" Harry shouted. "If anything that makes you more attractive."

     "Aah..." Jazmine dragged out. "You're one of those guys."

     "What kind of guy is that?"

     "The flirt." she shrugged and sipper her coffee. "The  _huge_  flirt." Harry laughed realizing; that's definitely him.

     "So how have you been?" Harry questioned. "I haven't seen you in a while."

     "It hasn't been that long." Jazmine chuckled. "And I've been fine. The better question is how are you Mr. Styles?"

      "Walking more, that's for sure." he smiled at her.  

 

      "Maybe one day I'll be able to walk you home." Harry said looking at Jazmine, who sat on the bench beside him. "And I'll be able to give you a goodnight kiss. But for now," he moved a piece of hair out of her face."it'll just be a kiss." Harry leaned in and pressed his lips against Jazmine. Jazmine smiled into the slow kiss, until a flash came from the right. They pulled away and Harry looked toward the direction it'd come from.

      "I'm sorry about that." he sighed. "It-"

      "Comes with being a celebrity. I get that. It's fine. We should hang out at mine and chill next time, keep it on the down-low."

      "Yeah. I'd like that." And Harry truly did. Jazmine wasn't looking for fame. In fact, she wanted to help them keep their...relationship...under wraps. That was a good sign.       "Cool." Jazmine smiled standing up. "I'd tell you the address, but I just moved in a couple days ago and am not sure of the address. Just know where it is." she shrugged. "I'll text it to you later, though. My shift starts in 13 minutes. Have to get going."

      "Bye Jazmine, I'll see you later."

      "See ya!" she shouted and started a slight jog for her car. Beautiful, funny, and nice. What more could Harry ask for? Well, he wanted everything back to normal; he could ask for that.  

 

~*~

      _"Stop!" I cried again. But the man kept hitting me. "Please." I begged. The man grunted and didn't reply._

        _"Lay flat, boy, or I'll make it hurt worse than it will." Slowly I obeyed him. I was petrified and didn't have a choice at this point. Then pain shot through me as the man entered me. He kept thrusting into me making me scream and move more._        _Annoyed, the man slid out and pulled me up over his shoulder and dragged me to another room. The room was dark and from the ceiling, hung a rope. He lifted me up and slipped the rope around my wrists and then let go. My weight pulled me down and the ropes tightened around my wrists. I cried out in pain and begged for him to let me go._

        _"I'm only doing this because I love you." That wasn't the man's voice from before. It was Louis'. The man turned around and then as I had suspected, Louis was there._         _"Louis!" I shouted at him. "Help me!!" Then pain shot through my back._    
  
     I woke up from my sleep to hear shouting and feet running around the house.

       "LOUIS!!" I heard Harry yell. Immediately, I pulled the covers off of me and ran for Harry's room. Louis was in there with Zayn and Niall trying to wake him up. 

      "What happened?" I asked staring at Zayn then Harry.

       "Another one of his nightmares but he isn't waking up!" Zayn shouted freaked out.       "Harry, I'm right here!" Louis shouted at Harry, shaking him.

      Finally, Harry's eyes shot open and saw Louis. He almost didn't move, but observed Louis' hands on his shoulders. Looking into his eyes, he squeezed his eyes shut.      "Please don't hurt me anymore." he whispered, tears falling down his face. "Don't hurt me anymore."

       "Harry..." Louis went to wipe Harry's tears away, but instead Harry shoved him off the bed. 

      "Harry? What's wrong?" I asked as calm as possible. But Harry ignored me and instead ran my way for the door, shoved me to the floor, and then ran out the room. Zayn immediately chased after him.

        "You okay mate?" Niall asked, rushing to my side.

        "Yeah check on Louis, I'm going downstairs." Niall walked over to heck on Louis and I hopped up and raced downstairs.

        "Everything's fine!" Zayn shouted from the main room. I made my way there and found Zayn standing next to Harry who sat with his head in his hands on the couch.

        "I don't know what to do anymore, guys." he whispered. "I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm not me anymore. I can't even figure out why I keep having these dreams! And then I know you guys are tired of worrying about me! I just-" then Harry's body fell limp into the couch.

        "Harry?!" 

 

 


	16. Jumped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME 
> 
> (This is the chapter I mentioned before that I wrote before Take Me Home was announced :)

     It was a killer quiet. Harry lay asleep in his hospital bed. He had woken up crying and screaming another time which was unusual. Two nightmares in one night- the boys didn't know what this meant or how to react. After Harry's anxiety attack, the boys had called the ambulance. The news would be that Harry fell in the middle of the night, down the stairs. It was the least damaging they could do, considering that if Harry had just fallen off his bed or walking, going to the hospital would not have been required. 

     Liam had explained to Louis that Harry was still seeing a therapist for the issue of his reoccurring dreams and for what had happened with him. Louis had practically lost it. He was  _still_ in therapy because of what he did to Harry. Louis was the cause of his dreams, the reason why Harry was depressed and in so much pain. He had been gone from the hospital since then. They didn't know where he went, when he was coming back, or even if he had a way of getting back. He'd run off, literally, in just a pair of converse and no jacket; running through the rain. He had no phone or way of contacting the boys, which Louis hadn't noticed until he needed a ride, leaving him wondering the streets in the rain.

     A while after Louis had left, a drained Liam finally found some energy to call Dr. Cleya, Harry's therapist, and was thankful that she actually answered at 3 am. Understanding what was happening and what had occurred a couple hours ago, she quickly obliged to coming in to speak to Harry. 

     But when Dr. Cleya walked in she saw a Harry she once knew. One that had been tattered and broken, only to remember nothing of what had happened. 

      _"You dropped your wallet!" Harry shouted after Dr. Cleya as she walked down a different hall after one of their sessions. Picking it up, as she turned around, along with a couple pictures that had fallen out of the wallet, he noticed a familiar building in the background of one._

      _"Is this Holmes Chapel?" Harry asked, handing it back to her._

       _"Yes, I worked on a few cases there with the police dep-" she looked up at Harry and stopped talking. "Harry do you have a brother of any relation?"_

       _"Em..no. Just me-"_

       _"Harry!" Zayn shouted from just down the walkway. "Liam's out with Danielle so I'm here and we have dinner waiting at home, c'mon!"_

       _"Eh- Bye, Dr. Cleya. See you later."_

      In that moment, she noticed the way he looked laying in the hospital bed, his curls flat, all color drained from his face. 

     "Case 7." she whispered to herself. Liam looked up at her, as she spoke to herself, with curiosity. Zayn and Niall lay asleep undisturbed. 

     "Excuse me?"

     "I knew Harry looked familiar. I didn't know or remember how, but I do now."

     "You aren't making even the least sense." 

     "I've realized why Harry is having the dreams. Why his rape constantly reoccurs in his dreams and why he is dreaming of that man."

~*~

     Liam, Niall, and Zayn could not believe the story that had jut unfolded in front of them. Everything made sense. Why was Harry having these dreams and why had everything gotten worse after it was already better? They knew the answer. Harry was remembering. Remembering the time when he was 15. Missing for 5 days, no one knew where he was. The accident that put him into a week lasting coma. And when he woke up, remembered nothing but pain. He was told he got into a car accident. Told that he would not remember the past month or two of his life...

     Eventually, any pain, from what Harry thought a car accident caused, was gone and he forgot about mostly all of it as he got through round after round on The X-Factor. Then One Direction was formed and all that was not even on his mind. His world was his dream, the band he was in.

_"Basically, when Harry was just 15, he was taken. One day he never came home from school. Police found a traffic video of the kidnapping occurring. The man that had taken him also took two other boys that same day. Harry was the 7th boy he took, making Harry Case 7."_

     "What did the man do to them? He was how old?" Zayn asked, still in shock. 

     "The man is in his late 30's and he used and abused them."

     "You're a therapist...how did you know all of this?" Niall asked. 

     "I was there to help the boys get past what had happened."

      _"When the police found out where the man was staying, the man was already getting ready to leave with Harry and the couple of boys. He was already to go when the police came. The man was in the garage, he'd just put Harry in the car. He was going back for two more boys and found them untied and guns were pointed at him. The man made a run for it and left in the car with only Harry. This caused a police chase and the man crashed."_

      "And Harry didn't remember you?" 

      "I didn't work with Harry. He didn't remember so my assistance wasn't needed. But I still remember him laying in the hospital bed, just as I saw him when I came in earlier. I may have not worked with him, but I remember him so well because he was the youngest of all the boys there." 

     Tears began to brim Niall and Zayn's eyes and they looked over to Harry, but shock covered Liam's face. 

     "So you're telling us that Louis really has nothing to do with his dreams now." 

     "Louis caused not even half of what Harry is feeling. The incident was merely a memory trigger. From what I'm seeing, Harry has been over what happened with Louis for quite sometime and is only scared of what he did, not Louis."

     "I need to find him." Liam sat up from his seat and dashed out the hospital room and to the elevator. 

 

     Louis couldn't remember which way he had come. Somewhere along the way, in the dark and rain, he got lost. Upcoming was a street of small shops and a bar that Louis probably went to a couple times. Because it was familiar, a soaking Louis went in to simply get directions. Alot of people were actually there right now, but he would have been surprised if no one was there. It was a semi-popular place in London. Well at least from what Louis knew.

     "Hey fag!" Louis turned to see a few people snickering and staring at Louis. They must've been drunk. Louis ignored them and walked to the counter. A couple people took photos once they realized who Louis was. 

     After getting directions, only to a street(because people would have been suspicious if he asked for directions to a hospital), he made way back to the entrance. 

     "Gay boy!" Louis heard the same man shout. "You're that guy. The fag of the cluster of One Direction!" Louis boiled up inside, not only because it was true, but the fact that there were people in the world that would make fun of a gay person. Louis ignored them again and left. Stepping outside, lightning struck and then just moments later thunder rolled across the sky. The rain was light, but based on the thunder, Louis knew the rain would start to downpour again soon. 

     Footsteps padded behind him, smacking noises made as the shoes came in contact with the small puddles of water.

     "Yo, gay boy! Can't take a little name callin' can you?" Louis turned and found the guy that had been shouting at him in the bar not even a meter away from him. A couple of his friends laughed at nothing just a bit behind him. 

    "I can." Louis replied bitterly. "Just can't deal with it now." Louis turned back to walk, but two hands collided with back and he was shoved over. Louis slipped on the pavement and fell into a gutter puddle. A heart aching pain shot through Louis that made him upset. He pulled himself up and thunder roared again as the few guys laughed at him.

   "Can't be manhandled either without crying can you now?" the guy's face became serious as he stepped closer to Louis. "C'mon!" he gripped Louis by his shirt and tossed him into the small alley that led to the back of the bar. Louis landed in a pile of trash bags and the man and his friend's laughed. "You can't even stick up for yourself, you're such a fag!" The guy ripped open a trash bag and dumped its contents on Louis. "You're a piece of shit along with the rest of your band!" The door to the bar opened and the guys immediately scampered away. The man who had left the bar walked to his car and drove off, not suspecting a thing. Louis was left alone in the rubbish. 

     Well, at least Louis thought he was alone. The guy came back this time smirking. 

     "That guy doesn't even care about you! Ha!" 

     "He didn't even know I was there." Louis shot back standing up. "I'm sure if he had seen me he would have been kind enough to help." 

     "So naive to the real world, you gay pop star. No one cares about you. They only like the music. You're too much of a fa-" before the guy could finish Louis jumped at him. Louis laid a good punch right under his eye before the guys' friends joined in. The three guys easily over powered Louis, throwing punches at his stomach and lifted him off the ground. Louis kicked, hitting one of the guys in his stomach. The guys only tightened their grip on Louis' arms.

     "Help! " Louis shouted. He shouted again and again until the man covered Louis' mouth. 

     "You belong here. Everything is just like you. You're a piece of garbage." Louis felt himself in the air before landing in a large bin full of trash bags. Some had hard things inside which poked at Louis' back, arms and legs. The guys shut the cover and ran away.

     Slowly, Louis removed the trash from him self and scrambled to get out of the large bin. Removing a banana peel from his shoulder, Louis let out a soft cry. The guy was right, he was just a piece of shit. He couldn't even protect his best friend from himself. Once Louis pushed the cover off, he pulled himself out of the large trash bin. 

     Louis walked back to the sidewalk and began his journey back to the hospital. 

 

    Turning onto an unknown street Liam still couldn't find Louis. Liam had already gone back to the house, but he hadn't been there so Liam was searching the streets. 

     Then Liam saw a body sitting against a wall, knees pulled up to it's chest. Liam drove a little bit closer and saw Louis' face. Immediately Liam pulled over and jumped out of the car into the rain. 

     "Louis!" Liam shouted at him. A shivering Louis looked up at Liam through the rain with red puffy eyes. As Liam got closer, he realized the state that Louis was in. Louis was covered in dirt and specks of food and garbage. His hair was flat from the rain and he looked like he'd been crying. "Louis," Liam spoke slowly, "what happened?" Louis shook his head and let out a small cry. "Let's get you in the car." 

 

      "All I did was hurt him. I don't get why you even came looking for me if-"

      "Louis, you're not even half of the cause of what Harry's going through." Louis looked up surprised. 

      "Then what is it?" 

     Slowly, Liam explained what Harry had gone through.

     "So I didn't-"

     "Nope." Liam cut him off. There was a long pause. 

     "You care about me, right, Liam?" Louis thought back to the man had shouted at him. He was right about being gay, could he be right about no one caring about him? Was he really just a piece of garbage? 

     "Of course!" Liam shouted. "How could I not?"

     "I'm just garbage." Almost making them crash, Liam pulled over on the empty street. 

     "Who in the hell told you that?" Louis didn't respond. "Did something happen?" 

     "I'm cold." Louis replied ignoring him. Liam reached into the backseat and grabbed a blanket that Niall usually used when he fell asleep. And handed it to Louis and turned up the heat. "Can we just get back to Harry?" Louis asked with a yawn. 

     "He's going to be out in the morning, we're going home. You look like you just got jumped. If photos of you looking like that at a hospital got out..." Louis froze up and Liam noticed immediately. "Oh my god." Louis let a tear slip and he turned away. "Louis oh my god we need to call the police or someth-"

     "No." Louis shook his head. "That's just more media attention that we don't need. I'm not seriously injured and no one pulled out any weapons. The most they would get is jail for a short amount of time. It's not even worth it." 

     "Louis! Are you mental? People like that shouldn't be on the streets loose!" 

      "Just take me home." Louis asked softer toned now. "Please, just take me home."

 


	17. A Re-connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I'm sorry I didn't post anything. Here it is now xx

     Louis, sitting on the balcony, stared at the sun as it began to peek over the city. As the sun's rays cascaded down past the roof top of the building, that had left Louis in the shade, the light warmed his skin. Louis took a shaky breath as he let it shoot through him; through him as if he weren't even there...through him as if he were nothing. But right now, Louis felt and believed he was nothing.

     Louis still hadn't told Liam about what had exactly happened; although, Liam had a good idea as he had to assist him changing. A large bruise covered Louis' right side and various fading finger-sized bruises covered his arms. From the objects in the trash, he had received a cut in his leg and multiple scratches along his arms. He was still sore, but also felt numb inside. 

     To Liam, this was all knew. For once, Louis was showing a weak side. Louis had never been one to show weakness, but now Louis couldn't dress himself without wanting to fall apart right there. 

     But one thing no one noticed was how Daddy Direction was dealing with all of this. How much longer could he be strong for Harry while being strong for the band? After Liam had assisted Louis into his clothes and left him on the balcony, he'd gone to his room only to have a breakdown. Everything was so chaotic and he didn't know how to deal. He was supposed to be the sensible one that watched out for all of them.

 

     As for Harry, after speaking with Dr. Cleya, Harry hadn't spoken. He'd kept to himself and even when the doctors had helped him get ready to be released, he didn't make a sound. 

     So when Harry arrived back at the place with Niall and Zayn, all still oblivious to what had happened with Louis, Harry felt more uncomfortable with the eerie quiet house. Liam was stirring a cup of tea in the kitchen with bags under his eyes. It was obvious he was worn down and tired, and that he hadn't gotten to sleep. 

     "Hey, mate, what happened? You didn't sleep?" Zayn asked as he set a bag with Harry's prescription on the counter. "What time did you get back?" 

     "Around 3," Liam replied with no emotion. "Didn't get around to sleeping." 

     "What do you mean by 'get around' to it?" Niall questioned as Harry noticed Louis' absence. 

     "Louis... He um..." Liam paused trying tot think of how he could phrase his sentence. "Right now, Louis isn't doing so well-"

     "Is he sick?" Zayn interrupted. 

      "No-just.... when I found him..." Liam drifted ff and shook his head. He shouldn't have let Louis leave the hospital. It was raining, there was a storm and it was after midnight. He could have at least left sooner...he could have found him sooner. Maybe Louis wouldn't have been hurt. With a slight fist bang to the counter, Liam let a tear fall. 

      "Liam, where is he?" Niall asked. "Is he okay? What happened?" Liam looked up. 

      "Louis...he got jumped by some drunks outside a club. I found him covered in bits of trash, soaked and in mud, some scratches...he hasn't spoken to me. He won't talk to me..." Liam's words drifted off again, trying to find the strength to keep up his figure. "He asked me if I cared about him and untold him I did and,"-Liam's voice cracked- "He said because he's just  _garbage_." A pressure feeling built up inside of Harry's chest. The boys' eyes teared up and Harry looked around. Immediately Harry ran for the stairs.

     Half way up the stairs Harry fell and Zayn was immediately at his side to assist him, but Harry brushed him off, got up, and ran to Louis' room. Surprisingly, Louis was standing in front of his mirror. His hair was tattered and his eyes were an irritated red. He stood shirtless and examining the bruises left on his body. Looking down at the mirror, he trailed his fingers along the largest bruise on his side. 

     Harry gasped at the bruises and cuts, that being the first sound he had made since he'd talked to Dr. Cleya. Louis turned at the sound of Harry and Harry noticed just how broken Louis looked; as did Harry look to Louis.  _What did they do to him?_  Harry asked himself as he stepped closer. 

     Zayn was about to make his way into Louis' room when Niall stopped him. Niall gave him a look and Zayn understood. The two boys needed to connect again and they needed to let it happen. Niall and Zayn went back to Liam as the drawn out silence from Louis' room continued. 

     Louis quickly pulled a shirt on and winced as he did. Harry jumped at Louis' sound of discomfort and wondered how he should react. 

    "What..." Harry's voiced cracked a little and he cleared his throat. "What happened?" Louis shook his head, not wanting to reply. How could he really even  _care_? Harry couldn't possibly care about Louis could he? After everything that had happened? 

     Harry noted Louis' lip quiver and then, he wasn't sure exactly what happened but, Louis was on the floor crying. His arms trembled keeping him up on just his side. The boys heard the thump and immediately ran up the stairs to see what had happened. 

     But when they opened Louis' door, they found Louis, curled up to Harry as they both cried. 

     "I tried to ignore them at first." Louis cried. "I walked away, but they followed me. They kept calling me a fag, nothing, garbage!" The boys stood in shock and Harry held him closer. "They made me feel like such shit and I just can't feel anything but emptiness and the soreness from my bruises!" Louis hiccuped and his whole body shook, weak and vulnerable. No one knew how to respond as they watched this breakdown happening right in front of them. "All he did was keep telling me how I was nothing and how no one really cares about my feelings. AND I FEEL LIKE NOTHING!" Harry cringed at his volume. And Louis immediately shook him off and scooted away across the floor. 

     "I don't even know how you guys can look at me when I did  _what I did_!" he screamed. 

     "Lou-"

     "Don't!" he interrupted. Harry once again scooted next to him and hugged him. Louis was too tired to push him away and embraced it.

     "What happened?" Harry asked, this ring the first time the boys heard him speak. "Start to finish."

~*~

**Louis' POV**

     The boys all looked at me with sympathetic smiles and I only squeezed Harry with a hug more. And in this moment, the boy I loved comforting me, my brothers all helping me through this time of weakness, I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt I'd get better. 

 

How wrong was I...

 


	18. Jumped Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because It Wasn't Quite Over in 'Jumped'

**Harry's POV**

     I hadn't felt this good in a long time. My arms flailed around me as I moved carelessly to the beat and I felt like my heart beat was matching to the drum. I closed my eyes for one moment, just to capture the bliss. Opening my eyes again I saw Jazmine smile widely at me. 

     It'd been a few weeks since everything had happened, a couple since Louis finally started talking again, and a week since I'd been out of therapy. I still had nightmares, but usually I could wake up and I wouldn't be screaming. Just a couple of days ago, Zayn moved into his own flat, and now Liam was looking for his own to share with Danielle. 

     Jazmine's giggle interrupted my thoughts and made me remember that I wasn't dancing very well. I stopped my dancing and blushed. Jazmine lowered her body, knees bent, and started to "crump" her way over to me. I laughed harder as she shot up beside be and booty bumped me. 

     "Get your groove back on!" she shouted. "Only 10 more minutes until the cookies are done and then we can watch a movie!" I watched as she turned the music up higher and I began to jump around with her again. 

 

  **No POV**

      "Hey!" Liam shouted down the hall. "Louis you want to head to the market with me?"

      "Sure!" Louis grabbed his shoes and jacket off the floor and made his way downstairs. At the last few steps Louis jumped and landed in front of Liam, making him jump.

       "Jesus, Lou! Calm down it's just the market."

       "It's just jumping."

     "You're just stupid."

     "You're just a kill joy!"

     "Am not!" Liam defended.

       "Then what was wrong with my jumping?"

     "Okay! You," -Liam shoved the keys into Lou's hand- "can go but the food and I'll make it when you get back cause I'm just that much of a kill joy!" It was clear that Liam was over exaggerating to get out of doing the shopping so Louis didn't bother to point it out. Instead he took the keys, stuck his tongue out at Liam, and laughed making his way out the door.

  
     "Did you get the green beans?"

     "Did you hear me read that off to you? I told you Liam," Louis said placing he food in the car. "I got it all. I even picked up some other stuff."

      "Maybe I should have done it myself...?" Louis huffed at Liam's display of distrust and hung up.

        "I got all the damn food." Louis mumbled to himself as he shut the trunk. Louis made way for the drivers door and before he could pull the handle-

      "Tomlinson!" Louis stopped and he didn't need to turn around to recognize the voice. It was one of the guys who made him feel like shit. One of the guys that watched as his friend hurt him. He had called his attention first in the bar. One of the guys that made my wrists itch, making him scratch at them and hold himself back from the sharp object on his desk every night. But he had to make sure...

      Louis turned his head and made sure his assumption was correct. And it sure was plus two. Turning back he immediately fumbled with the handle as the guy and two new guys ran for the car. Before Louis could get the engine on, the door swung open and his jacket was gripped. Next thing Louis knew, he was on the ground of the parking lot. It was nearly empty considering how dark it had gotten already.

       "You just had to tell did you, you little shit."

     "Tell what?" Louis asked shakily. He tried to pull himself up, but one of the guys walked over and kicked him in the stomach.

       "Because of you my friend is in jail!" he screamed.

       "But I didn't tell. He must've done something else that-"

       "It was only you!" the guy interrupted. But sadly the friend of the man that had hurt Louis, did not know he had been taken to jail for stealing cigarettes.        The man knelt over Louis and jerked him up by his shirt.  _Right in the face._ Louis saw three for a moment before his body fell out the guys grasp. Someone's foot collided with his side in the next moment making him scream.

        "You piece of shit!" A kick to the other side. "Can't keep your fag ass mouth shut. A little tattle tale you are! Do I have to remind you about how you're nothing?!" The sound of a car driving by sounded and the guy threw Louis against his car and ran away with his friends. "YOU'RE IN FOR IT BIG NEXT TIME!" he shouted running. The car past as Louis fell to the ground and whimpered in pain. Louis wanted to scream, but no one was around to hear him, he'd be wasting his breath.

        Slowly, Louis moved his and to his pocket and pulled his phone out. He hit speed dial 5 and waited for Liam to pick up.

       "Louis, you shouldn't be calling me while you're driving. Do you know how unsafe that is?"

       "Liam, oh god. I don't feel so good." Louis groaned and pushed him off of the ground and pulled the car door open.

       "Louis where are you?"

       "I'm in the parking lot and don't feel too good." Louis replied pulling himself into the car.

        "Louis, what happened?"

        "Shit." Louis hissed. "Ah! Just get here Liam!" he shouted.

        "Stay put Louis, I'll call Zayn to come pick me up!"

 

       "Shit." Louis heard beside him.

        "Louis?!" Louis!" Zayn shouted frantically. Louis weakly opened his eyes and felt a soreness in the right area of his face.

        "Dammit! You need to go to the hospital, Louis. Zayn go call and hurry." Zayn walked away to phone the ambulance. "Louis can you tell me what happened?"

      "It was one of the guys. From that night a few weeks ago. He thought I," Louis groaned and took a deep breath, "He though that I told and I was the reason his friend was in jail." Louis paused and Liam didn't know what to say. "I tried to get away Liam... I did. But I couldn't start the car fast enough."

        Sirens wailed in the distance an they could be heard coming closer. Zayn was on the phone with Harry and was going to call Niall soon.  

       Harry watched Louis as he slept. He lost a lot of blood from internal bleeding and getting him to tell the police everything was hard. Zayn had called up management after everything and the story was out. Louis Tomlinson: Jumped in a Parking Lot!

      In some small ways Harry was somewhat jealous of Louis. To understand why, you had to dig deep. Louis knew who hurt him. Louis remembered what happened. He wouldn't forget and nightmares wouldn't haunt him in his sleep.

       In a way, Harry still felt half empty. He didn't know what he needed to be consent, but now he does.

       "Liam, I want to see the man who hurt me."

      "What- Har-...He's in prison Harry."

      "I want to see him." 

 


	19. A Blast From the Past

     "I'll be out here waiting for you when you get back." Zayn whispered as he shut off the engine. Harry nodded and slowly got out of the car. 

     "I.D., please." Harry nodded and showed the security his ID. The guards nodded and Harry stuffed it back in his wallet before placing his hands in his jacket pockets. Once the gate behind him shut, Zayn drove to Anne's, where he'd wait for a while until coming back to pick up Harry. 

_"I can't stress enough how bad this idea is. You won't be able to see him. The most you can do is watch his execution. This is not thought out and I highly recommend against it." Harry's therapist reason. Harry shook his head._

     " _Then I will watch the man who hurt me die." The boys gasped with jaws dropped._

      _"You can't be serious!" Liam shouted._

      _"But I am."_

     Harry sat in the cold room on the metal fold out chair. Harry was unsure why, but he was not alone in the room. Soon, though, Harry saw the man of whom had hurt him a few years ago though the glass window. Roughly, the man was placed on the metal table. Harry was surprised that they even performed execution here, but baffled that they could choose to be hung or injected. Obviously this man chose option two. 

     The first injection was made, which Harry realized only made the prisoner become unconscious. It seemed like hours until he was finally just laying there, but it'd really been two minutes. Then, the second injection was made. This one would slowly stop his heart and just like that, he'd be dead. 

 

     "You know I'd never wished death upon anyone before this man." Someone, not too much older than him, mumbled. Harry turned and saw a familiar small body and red hair. 

     "Why him?" Harry asked. 

      Without looking at Harry as they both left the room the boy replied back, "What he did was awful. In many ways he hurt me and you'd think that after being caught once, he stop. But next time he came around he went after my little brother. He's disgusting."  The red head looked up and saw Harry. He looked familiar in the boy's eyes too. "Oh my god. Har- you're- you're that kid Harry. The- you got in a car accident after the whole issue?" Harry slowly recalled the boy on the floor in which he'd been thrown next to in his dream. Harry slowly nodded. "It's so good to see you're doing well. Honestly, another boy with us was worried your never wake up. I heard you didn't remember anything though?" 

      The two boys stopped outside the gate as a few other kept on walking and Harry sighed. "Yeah. I didn't remember. But the memories came back. I came because I needed to remember him properly and know that his actions would be officially at end." 

      "You're famous now huh?" The boy answer after a drawn out silence. 

      "Oh-Erm. Yeah. You wouldn't mind keeping this between us-"

      "I get it. I won't say anything. But do you remember anything that happened between us?" Garry shook his head. He'd remembered main things. Small conversations were not in his memory bank. 

      "There was one time in specific that he's just finished,"-the boy coughed awkwardly-"you know. And he tied he back down next to you. You told me something that I will never forget." Harry stared awkwardly, but not trying to show it, at the semi stranger. "You told me hold on tight and I'll be alright. At that point I didn't really understand but I took it quite literally when he began to load us into that van. I really regret that because he went to take me first, but I knew the police would be there soon so I held onto the chains with all my life. He became fed up with me, and moved to you. You were a fragile boy that and you'd felt like a brother to me that I felt I'd betrayed you. But at the same time I thanked you everyday after that for the words you told me."

 

      Harry wasn't sure why the older boy had told him all that stuff. But it made him think. Zayn worried as he drove back to Anne's in the late night. It was cold and Harry shivered but continued to shake his head no whenever Zayn offered to turn the heater in and only turned it off when Zayn finally did. What ha happened in there? Had something happened to Harry? Zayn continued to fret over this. 

      Zayn gripped the steering wheel uneasily as he turned onto Harry's street. He was careful not to drive over speed limit because I the rain but the tension only made Zayn new cautious. 

      "Are you okay?" Zayn asked, parking in front of Harry's house. Harry shrugged and stared ahead. After a short moment, Harry stood and walked through the rain to the doorstep. Zayn sighed and unbuckled his seat belt and ran to the door, actually minding he rain unlike Harry had. Once inside the house the oddest thin Zayn had ever seen happened. Harry ran straight to the backyard and hung his legs over the edge of the pool and sat there. 

      "What in the world-"

      "He says it calms him." Gemma spoke up from behind him. 

      "He's still fully clothed." 

      "Don't tell me. He's a weird boy but if that's why helps then I let it be."

 

     Zayn groaned as the need to pee overcame him and he threw the covers off his body. He quickly rushed to the guest restroom. 

     After taking care of his business, Zayn heard the back glass door shut down stairs. Curiously, Zayn walked down the stairs and peered out the back glass door. There Harry was, in the pool. Wait- he's in the pool. Zayn looked more closely at a shirtless Harry, sitting in the pool, letting the rain smack his bare back. His whole body shook and then, just like that, Harry submersed himself in the water. Zayn immediately bolted outside an down into the water. Though Zayn couldn't swim, he didn't care. Zayn opened his eyes and found Harry at the bottom of the pool, mouth wide open. Had he purposely drowned himself? He went down further to get to him. How was he even doing this? Swimming was a foreign action. As Zayn ran out of air, he broke surface with Harry in his arms. 

     As Zayn shouted continuously at Harry to breathe, while he performed CPR, Gemma, Anne, and Robin had awoken and rushed down the stairs all in hysterics. 

     Anne cried, not knowing what to do, but Zayn continued on. He was on the verge of tears when Harry finally shot up and coughed out water. It was after that was out that we broke down sobbing into Zayn's arms.  Anne finally left her trance and ran for dry towels while Zayn assisted Harry into the house with steady steps, careful not to slip on the wood floor. Robin and Gemma went to prepare some tea as Anne came back and wrapped towels around each of the boys. 

     After a half hour, and Zayn reassuring her that he'd take care of Harry, everyone went back to bed. Harry had stopped crying, but still took fast and heavy breathes. Zayn still had to process the fact that Harry had just attempted suicide in his pool and that he had somehow saved his life. 

    "The"  _hiccup_  "dream came back the other"  _hiccup_  "night." Harry cried on a little bit longer. "He told me about how I was just a sex toy. Me and all the other kids."  _Hiccup_. "And for that I wished that he would die! What was wiring with me? Who wishes death upon someone?"  _Hiccup_. "I saw this other kid"  _hiccup_  "in there and he said he's wished death upon him too, but"  _hiccup_  "I hadn't realized how bad that made someone sound. Like"  _hiccup_  "no one deserves death. Even the worst people. Watching him die"  _hiccup_  "was just horrible."  _hiccup_  "And that made me like shit! I was one of those cruel people that wish death upon someone." _Hiccup_. "And I know no one is going to wish death upon me"  _hiccup_  "so I guess I just took matter into my own hands."  _Hiccup_. "I'm sorry Zayn. Please"  _hiccup_ "Please don't hate me." 

      Zayn stared at Harry baffled. 

     "I could never hate you, Harry. Just go to sleep. You'll be okay."

     "Hold on tight and I'll be alright." Harry told himself out loud. Zayn didn't question it, though. "Hold on tight and I'll be alright."


	20. Take Me Home

    Zayn was just as confused as Anne when he left the next day. Harry had said nothing until Gemma had asked if he wanted anything.

     “Take me home.” He requested. Gemma looked at Zayn in a questioning manner. Zayn shrugged his shoulders as he dragged his overnight bag down the stairs.

     "But you are home Harry." Harry sat still, knees to his chest on his old bed, head resting on top just blinked.

     “Want me to gather your things for you?” Zayn asked him as he came back into view beside Gemma, who sat at Harry’s old desk chair. He nodded and buried his head into his legs.

     As Zayn put the couple of bags in the car, and drove to the local market to gather some snacks for the ride, Harry stared at his room. He was thankful for his Anne and Robin to have left his room as it was when he left. It gave him some sort of comfort, everything being familiar, that he was still Harry. But it wasn’t  _right_. He didn’t feel  _home._  He wanted to go home. But where was him home?

      Harry thought long and hard before he gave up on figuring out what his ‘home’ was.

 

      And now both sat silent in the car. Luckily, Zayn had reassurance that Harry was indeed processing thoughts when he saw him munching on chips. He still wondered if he would tell the boys what happened. It was so surreal. In fact, Zayn had woken up thinking it had been a dream, until he felt Harry curled in a ball next to him.

 

      “Hey Louis,” Zayn greeted, walking into the boys’ place. "I’m not staying very long, but I need to talk to you guys." And as if on cue, Harry trudged in and walked past everyone going straight to the stairs.

     “What the hell?” Liam watched as Harry took long strides up the stairs.

     “I knew he shouldn’t have gone.” Niall muttered, taking a bite of his sandwich. “’Was a no good idea.” He pointed at the boys with his food, as if to make a point.

      “What exactly happened?” Louis questioned. “He didn’t try to kill anyone did he? He try to kill the guy before the people could?” Louis laughed at his own joke before noticing Zayn’s wince at the word ‘kill’. “What in the bloody hell happened, Zayn?”

      “When Harry and I got back to Anne’s he was acting weird. Sometime in the middle of the night when I got up to go to the bathroom, I heard the back door shut downstairs. I went down to see what was up and Harry was in the pool shirtless. I took a closer look and his body was shaking so bad. I’d never seen a freaking Chihuahua shake that much. And, hell, it was pouring rain!” he hissed. Zayn paused a moment taking in what actually happened. “Then he just went under. God,” –Zayn stood, emotions being a mixture of anger and sadness. “He tried to kill himself. If I hadn’t been there —" Zayn paced around in front of the boys. “He would have died.” He was losing it. “I found him at the god damn bottom of the pool, mouth wide open. He’d  _purposely_  inhaled the damn water!” There was a long, drawn out pause. 

     “I’m sorry.”

     The boys all turned and saw Harry standing at the end of the room, leaning against the door frame, head down, and tears falling off his jaw. Never had the boy looked so helpless to all of them.

      “I’m sorry.” He repeated, voice cracking. And just like that, everyone was at his side and Harry sobbed. His body shook like it had the night previous.

 

~*~

     Louis walked in the kitchen to get some water. He’d only been up on his feet since that morning due to all the soreness in his side. He still struggled as he reached up in the cabinet to get the glass. And as Louis went to get his water, he felt like all the energy had been sucked out of him.  _Everything is falling apart._ Louis felt no will to get his water and he set the glass down on the counter top. Guilt, pain, regret, exhaustion, everything… it was all coming over Louis now. Then the same soreness from this morning came back and he found his knees buckling under him. The pain was very intense; he must have put too much strain on those muscles.

      The pain became agonizing, so he lay there on the ground. The pain being too much to let him breathe, he couldn’t find way off the floor.

 

**Liam’s P.O.V.**

     “Did you hear that?” I peered over at Niall lying in Harry’s bed next to Harry and raised my eyebrow in confusion. “Where’s Louis?” Niall asked. I shrugged. “You should go check on him mate. He looked a bit pale this morning after he got up.”

 

      Louis wasn’t in his room, and I know he hadn’t left with Zayn because we’d all walked him out together and then all came back in the house together. I quickly made my way down the stairs and called out for him as I entered the living room. I sighed and quickly made my way into the kitchen. Before I could even look around, I tripped over something. Lifting my body onto my knees I looked behind me and saw Louis, panting. I quickly crawled over to him and lifted his head up.

      “My side.” He managed to say. I lifted his shirt and looked over his bruise, but nothing was different. “I think I strained my muscles.” Sweat beat down his neck and face. “It hurts,” he cried.

     Carefully, I lifted him to the couch in the other room and lay him down. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water with some paracetamol to bring back to him.

     “Take this.” I said, helping him sit up. “Then I want you to rest. What exactly happened?” I asked as he swallowed the two pills. He shrugged.

     “I just—" Louis sighed. "I can’t find my meaning anymore."

     “I don’t understa—"

     “Neither do I and that’s what’s killing me.”

 


	21. We Can Start It All Over Again

One month. 

It'd been a whole month since the incident and the boys focused on their album right now. For starters, they already had half the album recorded and still questioned which other ones they wanted to add on. In fact they'd just added Little Things to the list this morning after loving the recording last week. Ed had another song up his sleeve, but the boys weren't aware of that yet, except for Louis who caught him playing it during a snack break.

As of right now, Liam had already bought a place that he shared with Danielle, and Niall, Harry, and Louis still lived together. Louis and Niall were somewhere in the house laying around and Harry was off on another date with Jazmine. It actually annoyed Louis that Harry wasn't around much. But he could also understand that Jazmine was an intern with crazy hours that were hard for Harry to work with. The boys, excluding Liam, were all oblivious to the jealousy. 

As for their mental well beings, Louis was no longer paranoid and came out of the shell he'd created. The men who hurt him had been found and taken to jail. Louis was not sure how long the time they would serve for was, but it didn't matter to him. As for Harry, being around Jazmine so much made him happy, but he still had the memories that lurked to his conscious mind every now and then and he was doing his bet to ignore them. 

 

Louis sighed, shutting his laptop and opening the notebook with the lyrics and piano notes that Ed had been working on. He'd created a quick liking to it and felt so connected to it. 

"What are you reading'?" Louis jumped at the voice and his thoughts roamed to hide away in the corner of his brain. 

"Nothing," he replied shyly, closing the notebook and putting it down. "Really." He smiled up at Harry who gave him a skeptical look. "I thought you were on a date?"

"I was." Harry let himself in the room and flopped next to Louis. "But she o called in for an emergency. I guess there was a small car crash but then it caused another small car crash which made a big car crash and I guess you, Erm, get the picture." Harry lighted silently and Louis nodded. Harry glanced up at Louis and saw his eyes flicker a different emotion before he looked away. "Hey, what's wrong mate?" Harry sat up and leaned on his right elbow to look at Louis. 

"Nothing. I- I just really want things to be like when we were on tour again. There was less time to think- we just did, and I liked that. Right now I have all this time to think of things I could've or should've done and I don't like that feeling of guilt. And I don't even know how to get rid of the feeling. I can't just apologize to the person without letting out a major secret." Louis took a deep breath. 

"Like remember when Niall was singing The A Team in Anaheim and Zayn added on and all the fans called him a dick for interrupting that night?" Harry nodded. "And then remember how Zayn thought that he had hurt Niall's feeling so he went and apologized to him but e wasn't even upset?" Harry nodded unsure of where Louis was going with this. "I can't do that because if I apologize and explain myself, that will hurt my person." Harry nodded, not one hundred percent sure what he meant, but kind of understanding. 

Louis was in a pickle. 

"Well mate, what I see is that you may hurt the person that you explain yourself to, but they may be hurting more that they don't know right now." 

"Have you been hanging out with Zayn?"

"Yeah, I have actually. Why?" Louis giggled and messed up Harry's hair before pulling his notebook out to show Harry what Ed had been working on. 

~*~

"Tell me with your mind body and spirit i can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British. Whether we're together or apart, we can both remove the masks and admit we regret it from the start." Louis continued to play but stopped when he realized Harry wasn't singing the next part. Louis stopped and looked up at him. "What is it, Harry?"   
"That next part was mine too, huh?" Louis nodded at him and nudged him.   
"You dazed off for a second. You okay?"   
"Yeah. I've just never heard you sing like...like that. You were really amazing Louis." Louis smiled and went to cover his ears which made Harry burst into laughter. "Awe, Lou!" Harry hugged Louis and continued to laugh at his friend. See, when Louis blushed, his cheeks did not flush pink or red like most, but his ears did. Louis had hated it but Harry teased him every time he could about it.   
"Knock off!" Louis spat playfully. Harry giggled more as they erupted into a fake fight. 

"Niall!" Louis hissed loud, but in a whisper tone.   
"What?" He shouted back.   
"Come here!" He whisper shouted again.   
Niall set down his Nintendo DS (because believe it or not they actually play those in their free time) and trudged over to Louis room and was surprised to see Louis on the ground with a large body pillow over him with Harry on top.   
"Help me get him off, without waking him." He said in a hushed tone. "I'll explain in a minute." 

"So what happened mate? Larry real?" Niall snickered and Louis hit him upside the head.   
"No. We were wrestling and he put the pillow on me and said he was going to use me as a bed but I didn't think he was serious until he snored like two minutes later. Niall laughed some more and shook his head. "So do you want to help me make dinner?"   
"Do we know how to make dinner?"   
"No?"   
"Alright."   
~*~   
No. This couldn't be happening.   
"You're not there anymore! You haven't been with me for like," she tried to think of a time, "like all summer! What's been happening that we haven't seen each other?"   
"Dani, come on. It's been hard. Things have been happening with Louis and Harry and-"   
"Louis got jumped I get that. But what about the rest of summer? And what is this about Harry?"   
"I can't tell you Dani, but I promise we can make things work. You didn't have this issue last week when we moved in here!"   
"But they won't because I don't love you like I did anymore!" Liam stepped back and eyed Danielle skeptically.   
"You're," -his voice cracked-, "you're lying." Tears welled up in Liam's eyes as he shook his head.   
"Liam, when you weren't there I had someone that was."   
"Why didn't you tell me this before?!"   
"You looked so happy about it all and I-"   
"Don't." Liam interrupted her. "Dani how could you? You cheated on me? You were selfish! You were selfish! You thin it was because I'm still a teenager? Don't you think this would have hurt less if we didn't live in the same damn place together?! Dani whether you understand or not, this summer has been hell! Do you know how many fake damn smiles I've out on my face because of what I've been through?! You don't! You may have needed someone because you got lonely, but now that I need someone because I am broken- I don't have anyone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST NEXT CHAPTER


	22. Breakdown

"Liam?"

Liam stormed in past me with red eyes and no words spoken. I shut the door and ran after him.

"Liam! Mate!" I could hear Louis shout. "What's up?"

As I made my way back into the messy kitchen, Louis' facial expression softened and he frowned. 

"What's wrong?" Niall tried asking. Liam shook his head and bit down on his entire bottom lip, tears formed in his eyes and Liam hid his face. 

"Why does it hurt so much?" He croaked out. He placed his hand over his chest and rubbed, moving his shirt all around. "Why does my chest ache so much?!" He screamed out. 

"Liam.." I slowly stepped forward as he leaned over the counter, one form grip on the edge of it, another grip in his shirt. His knuckles were turning white. 

I placed my hand on his back and rubbed gently. Liam stopped moving and latched on to me. I was surprised at how fast he'd moved and how tightly he squeezed me. 

"She cheated on me."

I looked at the boys and their jaws dropped. 

"Danielle cheated on me and this pain, this damn pain I feel!" Liam yelled into my chest and squeezed my arms a bit tighter. I couldn't hold back the yelp at his death grip. I began to pat his back as caring as I could. 

-

The boys watched Liam cry into Harry's chest as he attempted to comfort him and they all just stood there until the beeper for the pasta went off. Niall and Louis slowly went back to finish their work and Liam was still latched on to Harry. Niall and Louis exchanged worried glances as they worked, trying to think of what they could do. Liam had never been this upset over anything they knew of before. 

"She said it was because I couldn't be there anymore. All summer she needed me and I couldn't be there." Liam squeezed Harry more around his waist, making Harry gasp in pain. Liam didn't even realize he was pressing down on Harry's lower back. 

"Liam, Liam let go." Harry tried to nudge him but Liam was just crying and squeezing. Louis noticed and nudged Niall. 

"All summer I was busy."

"Liam!" Harry started pushing on Liam. Harry winced again. 

"Liam!" Louis shouted. "Knock off your squeezing! You're hurting him!" Louis made his way around the other side of the counter and tried to help Harry with prying his arms off. 

But the pressure on Harry's lower back already made tears come to his eyes. Niall was dialing up Zayn because he knew he could calm Liam down. 

"BUSY TAKING CARE OF  _YO_ _U_!" Liam's hurt turned to anger and he let go of Harry, causing him to fall back into Louis' arms. Harry sucked in a quick breath and tried to stand with the intense pain in his lower back. "ALL SUMMER YOU WERE BUSY BEING FUCKED UP AND DEPRESSED AND HURT AND IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL AND ALL I DID WAS CARE FOR YOU AND WATCH YOU ALL BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS STARTING STUFF BETWEEN EACH OTHER AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Harry didn't blink once as the harsh words slammed into him. "NO ONE EVER ASKED ME HOW I FELT AND IT WAS ALL HARRY EVERY SINGLE DAY MAKING SURE HE WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING STUPID BECAUSE HE IS FUCKING DEPRESSED AND CAN'T GET THE FUCK OVER IT! I'VE BEEN HURTING TOO!" 

" _Li_ _am_." Louis scolded. 

Harry's jaw clenched and refused to show any sign of physical or mental pain. 

"I never asked you to help me. This shouldn't be on me." Liam didn't move as Harry said that. 

"You should leave Liam." Liam still didn't move at Niall's voice. "AT LEAST LEAVE THE GOD DAMN ROOM!" Liam looked up at the small boy yelling at him and he walked away. Louis was about to ask Harry something when the door rang. 

"I'll get it." Louis and Niall couldn't tell what Harry was feeling. For once the boy was unreadable to them. 

 

Harry angrily opened the door and found Danielle. 

"What do you-"

"I don't get it." Danielle shook her head confused. "You don't have some disease. You're not blind. You're walking. Why did Liam have to spend all summer helping you?"

"Look, Danielle. We should meet somewhere and I can tell-"

"I need to know now!" Danielle stepped in and yelled at Harry. A pang or sadness and frustration shot through Harry and Louis came into the front room. 

"What's going- Danielle. What are you doing here?" 

"I want someone to explain to me what makes this curly freak so special! Liam said he was watching over Harry but Harry isn't a baby and yeah-he had an accident with the glass, but ALL SUMMER!" Danielle breathed heavy like she'd just run a mile. "Want to tell me what's up right now?" Louis immediately turned to Harry. But he was already walking painfully toward the stairs. 

"Get out." Zayn slammed the door shut that no one ever heard open. "Danielle, you get the fuck out now." The look on Zayn's face was not one that any of them had seen before.

Once Danielle had left Zayn turned to Niall.

"Is something burning?" He immediately ran to the kitchen. "Louis, go make sure Liam isn't breaking something out back. I'll go see Harry."

  
"Well them come back inside and apologize to him. And it better be the best damn apology you've ever said because that was just horrible Liam you better kiss his ass and bake him cookies." Louis scolded. Liam just nodded and stood up making his way back into the house.  

 

 **"For your own sake Harry put that fucking thing down!"** Zayn's voice plead.

Liam and Louis froze in the kitchen and Niall stopped adding sauce to the over cooked pasta. Something clattered against the tile and then a soft thud came too. That's when the long held in, painful, and innocent sob escaped the young boy's mouth. Louis walked up the stairs a bit to hear better.

"I'm so sick of living anymore, Zayn. I can't take it!" he whispered through his cries.

"Harry nothing anyone said was actually meant. Ending your life won't stop the pain, just the possibilities of things getting better."  

"I just take up all of your guys' time. You guys are sick of me because I'm A FUCKING MESS!" Louis jumped and tripped down just a step and heavy step thudded across the floor and into a room. Drawers were thrown open and Harry sobbed loudly. "WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN SCISSORS?!" Louis raced up the steps and found Harry rummaging through a drawer in his room where he kept things like glue and tape. Finding the scissors Harry shoved last Louis and bounded for the bathroom.  

"Harry just calm down, mate!" Zayn tried to block Harry, but Harry shoved him to the ground. Louis ran after Harry again.  

"Harry!" Louis shouted after him.  When Louis came to the door frame of the bathroom Harry had scissors in his hand and hair stretched, ready to cut.  

"Stop, Harry please." Louis was crying now at how his friend was breaking down.

"Why?"

"Because I want you to. We don't want you to do this. C'mon your curls don't make you a freak."

"That's a sick joke right?" Harry slammed down the scissors and looked at Louis like he was crazy. "You think you can ask me to stop and I will just stop?! You think  _you_ can ask me to stop and I will?" Louis was shocked at Harry's harsh words, but he was right. Harry weakly jabbed at Louis' chest. "Do you know how many times I asked you to stop? I cried and I  _plead_!" Harry weakly hit Louis in the chest and Zayn now stood off to the side dumbfound. "You hurt me physically and mentally and I will never have that innocence back and today I was hurt again. I thought you were my best friend and I thought Liam was my friend too."

"You are our friend." Liam replied at the end of the hall.

"We'll what is it with you two? The second you guys are heart broken, you guys take your pain out on me! What the hell? I am not a rag doll! And you both sure as hell treated me like one! It's like no one fucking cares about my feelings and that I'm doing my best to cope because I didn't want to leave any of you guys, because I love you guys." Harry calmed down again, but painful tears mixed with his anger. "I don't get it. I don't get why you guys don't love me back and I don't get why no one loves me back. I don't get why I ended up the victim! What did I do to you guys?"

Louis was about to speak when Harry out his hand up.

"You really shouldn't have an answer unless you're going to say nothing because I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything and you guys made me feel worse than you guys felt being heartbroken. Liam," Harry turned to him. "I am not the reason you didn't see Danielle all summer. And to point out the fucking obvious, I could not control the fact that I was fucking scarred for life and had a past that I really can't forget even if I've lost my memory. It wasn't my fault you decided to play Daddy Direction and watch me. It is not my fault she cheated on you! It is not my fault I am depressed and hurt. It was not my choice to have glass into my spine and have the risk of never walking again so sorry for going to the fucking hospital." Harry spat his words at Liam referring to what he'd blamed him for and Zayn was honestly disgusted with Liam right now. "Most of all I'm sorry I offered you that last glass of water before bed, Zayn. You wouldn't have had to go pee in the middle of the night, you wouldn't have found me, and I'd be dead and out of my fucking misery."  

"When's the last time you saw Dr. Cleya? Harry, you have people who love you." Niall spoke up. "You have us, you have Jazm-" 

"I'm not seeing either of them anymore. Dr. Cleya did nothing to help me and apparently her daughter is Jazmine! She assumed that Jazmine knew and fucking told her about me! Jazmine broke up with me because she didn't want to date a mentally unstable teen!"

"Harry, why didn't you tell us?" Louis questioned.

"YOU LOOKED SO  **HAPPY**!" Harry half shouted with a smirk. "I hadn't seen you happy in forever! I didn't want to ruin your happiness, not today with another burden of me because I cared about your happiness. And fuck me for doing that."

"Har-" Louis was cut off.

"Harry why didn't you ever tell us all of this?"

"Harry-" Louis was cut off again.

"Because I'm selfish and wanted you guys to stay happy. I didn't want to be a burden."

"GOD DAMMIT HARRY WE LOVE YOU AND HELL I'M IN FUCKING LOVE WITH YOU OKAY?!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THATS ALL UP UPDATING FOR NOW MWAHAHAHA. And if you're questioning the hair, some people with anxiety cut their hair because they dont want to cut themselves.


	23. Take Me Home

Harry blinked. All he did was blink. His mouth stay agape, just the littlest bit. 

"I just said that." Louis breathed out. Harry nodded and looked at the boys, still slowly blinking. 

"I can't-" Harry looked for words. "I don't think I can... This is-it's too much." Harry shook his head and breathed heavy and fast. The boys turned to Louis and he became nervous. Louis began to panic and he was gone in a second dashing down the stairs. Liam ran after him and Niall and Zayn turned back to Harry. Just as they did, his legs began to feel weak and gave out under him. Zayn hurried to catch him and pulled him up. 

"Niall, help me get him to bed." Niall nodded and grabbed Harry's legs. Slowly they maneuvered back into Harry's room and lay him down. "Watch him for a minute." Zayn ran to the bathroom and picked up the busted open pack of shavers and the loose couple of blades on the floor. Then he picked up the scissors and quickly searched through the medicine cabinet, picking out anything that Harry could harm himself with and stuffed them into the trash can. 

Zayn was about to leave the room when he realized that there was much more around the house that Harry could use. He reached back in the trashcan, grabbing just the bag that sat inside it, and ran to the other bathrooms to collect anything. Running into his old bathroom, he found just a lighter. He immediately cringed thinking of Harry crying under the burn of the flame and tucked it away in his leather jacket pocket. 

Zayn made his way downstairs and realized it was empty. Zayn ignored that and ran to the kitchen. 

What about all the fucking knives?

Zayn groaned and rested his head in his hands, propped by his elbows against the counter. Zayn left them for now, knowing Harry wouldn't do it so publicly to the boys and continued to look around for smaller sharp objects. 

Leaving the kitchen and passing the back door, Zayn spotted Liam talked to Louis and Louis cried. Zayn stopped a second, watching them and sighing. He continued on to head back upstairs. Half way up, he heard Harry's heavy sobs. The kind of sons that make you feel such physical pain that you claw at your chest. You try to stop, but you have no control. And your body just continues to shake. You feel such pain that you wonder what happened to happiness. When did things get so bad? 

Zayn stepped into Harry's room and found Harry's face screwed up with tears covering its entirety. Niall tried to talk to Harry, but failed miserably. So Zayn just crawled into the bed next to Harry and grabbed him. At first Harry fought, but Zayn held him close to his warm body and soon Harry stopped crying and melted into his arms. Zayn hugged him tighter and gestures for Niall to add on to the hug. Niall crawled behind Harry and hugged him from the back. Within seconds Harry was calm again. 

"Why did you have to stop me?" 

"Because we love you."

"No one loves me. Even Louis was just saying that."

"Harry, we both know he very well meant it."

"What's there even to love about such a mess?" Harry breathed hard against Zayn's chest. 

"Harry you're not a mess. You're just confused and broken. But we can all fix you. If you let us help, you can be you again. You'll be happy. You'll be okay."

"It  _sounds_  nice."

"It is." 

"Do you even know what it feels like for me?"

"I do." Harry looked up at Zayn's response and Niall tilted his head confused. "Everyone has some story, Haz." Harry melted at his nickname. "And I have been as deep as you are now. I have tried. I attempted." Zayn teared up at the memories. "There is a better side. You can't go down that road." 

-

Harry thought a lot that night. Cuddling with Niall let him process his thoughts without the ones of self-harming or suicide getting through. It gave him time to realize what he felt. How he felt and toward whom. 

 

"Louis." Harry shook him again. "Louis wake up." Louis moaned and rolled over peering an eye open, not fully aware of go was shaking him. 

"It's 4 am. Go to sleep." He muttered into his pillow. 

"Louuuu." Harry dragged shaking him again. Louis looked up and opened his eyes to see Harry. 

"Oh. Harry.. About last night-"

"Shut up and listen." Louis nodded and Harry took a breath. "I was thinking a lot last night. What you said really surprised me and it gave me a lot of mixed emotions. So I started to recall other times and introspect." Louis nodded and Harry took a deep breath.

"Louis, honest to God,"-Harry shook Louis to emphasize this part- "I like you as more than a friend. But I don't think that I love you." Louis nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Harry's heart was beating fast and Louis' too. 

Louis rolled over, upset with the answer he'd received. But Harry crawled behind him and wrapped his arms around Louis' torso. 

"Harry, just stop. You're hurting me just by doing this. Do you-"

"You didn't let me finish, Louis." Louis sighed and tears flowed down his face, hidden by the dark or early early morning. "Because there's always a 'but'." Louis rolled over and looked up at Harry. He still remembered when Harry was the same size as him and now he was a good three inches taller. 

Louis' voice was fragile and cracking when he nodded with the add on of, "Go on." 

There was a silence and Louis could hear Harry's heart beat. 

"But I want to be with you." Louis' heart stopped. "Yesterday when we were singing and messing around I got this warm feeling. And when I fell asleep on you, I felt so warm inside and it didn't feel weird. I want to try  _us_." 

Louis didn't know what to say. 

"Because after I tried to commit all I wanted to do was go home." Harry reached his hand out for Louis'. "But I was home so I spent a long time trying to figure out where my home was." Harry entwined their fingers and Louis began crying and shaking. "My home is where I'm happy. Music is where I'm happy, but our friendship, or whatever you want to call it," Harry laughed, "is something that makes me happier. Makes me feel at home inside." Louis smiled, not being able to speak from all the emotions bubbling up inside. 

"Take me home, Louis." And Louis just nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say this is one of my proudest chapters. It let's you into Harry's head a little bit more. I also wrote the chapters in which Louis and Harry used the lines "Take me home" before 'Take Me Home' was released, even before it was announced. In the next chapter you will see how I incorporated the line into my story also having some imaginary back story to the album title. Also, sorry to say, the next chapter is my last.


	24. Let's Get Drunk

"Why Take Me Home?" Liam questioned. The boys except Louis and Harry were confused on the random album title. Harry took a deep breath and looked at Louis. Louis responded with a nod of encouragement. 

"When I was feeling in my darkest place, I kept wanting to go home. When I was home, I was still missing something." Harry looked at the boys now, but they were silent, waiting for Harry to go on. "And it took forever to really think about what home is to me now. And I think of it more as a feeling, rather than a place. And my home feeling is happy and I'm happy when I'm home. Take me home- make me happy." The boys were silent for a moment and Harry sat back, scratching his head. "I mean I know it's kind of corny-"

"No," Liam interrupted. "It's perfect. It's brilliant." Zayn and Niall nodded, too. 

"We'll just run it through with management," Zayn added, "but I don't see how they can say no to it," he shrugged. The boys smiled, sharing this happy moment of getting somewhere. 

-

"You should talk to Ed again about that song, something about again?" Louis looked up and found Harry leaning in the doorway. 

"Why?"

"Your voice sounds bloody amazing." Harry stepped in and fell beside Louis on the bed, wrapping his arm around Louis' torso. Louis' ears went bright as Harry chuckled and rolled over. 

"Want to know something stupid?" Louis asked, completely changing the subject. 

"If you're going to tell me about Liam and Danielle back together, I know." 

"How?"

"All over twitter. They were seen at a coffee shop."

"Those two seem to get through everything I don't get it." 

"Through broken hearts...through broken penis."

"Oh my god!" Louis rolled over in fits of laughter and his face became red. 

"It's true," Harry shrugged. 

"Well how do you feel about it?" Louis asked once he recovered. 

"I don't know really. I don't think I can just get over what she said to me, or Liam. But I can't hold a grudge."

-

_December 3rd, 2012_

"Are you guys ready for this last song?!" Fans erupted into screams and Niall laughed a little bit into his microphone. Fans screamed louder. "This is our first single!"

"You should all know it!" Zayn added. 

"This is What Makes You Beautiful!"

-

"Guys, were doing for drinks! It's an after party! Want to come?" Louis and Harry looked up and then at each other. Niall was bouncing in place, waiting for an answer. 

But Harry knew why Louis was so unsure. Harry leaned toward Louis' ear. 

"It's alright," he whispered. 

"Are you sure?" 

"You know what they say, 1st the worst, 2nd the best." Louis sighed again and shook his head. 

"I don't know Harry."

"Louis, that's in the past now. Let's go get fucking drunk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you weren't expecting this awful ending, sorry x Thank for anyone that read !


	25. 7/2/17 UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not an actual chapter. Please just take a moment to read if you care.

7/2/17 UPDATE: – I am aware of how unrealistic this story is, trailing along with the fact that Harry got with his rapist is just a terrible ending. To address the first thing, I was 13/14 when I started writing this. I have no idea how the inner workings of a band work, and especially not the UK government. This was written purely as a work of fiction and a creative outlet to explore my writing abilities. When I started writing fan fiction, it wasn't about probability, it was "what drama can I make happen to bring in the most reviews and stun my readers the most?" As far as Harry getting with Louis at the end, as I got older I realized what this looked like, and had planned out a sequel and even a third story to delve into this world I created. Louis is not right, and for no reason should any of his actions be dismissed. my second story dove into a poor relationship between him and Harry, as well as some of Louis' issues, and then the third is when Louis would face the consequences of his actions. I apologize for having written about a serious subject with such lack of knowledge, but it was a learning experience for me in more ways than one. Seeing as this story has not received serious backlash, it will remain up. However if it is too offensive to people, I will gladly take it down.


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